justwhack

2007-05-05T19:54:00.000+08:00

hmm. How do i start. I'm sort of moving my blog to www.justwhack.wordpress.com. But I won't abandon this blog. I love this blog too. But writings about my life and will be over the other blog. This blog will be kept for the gifts He gave me. In design, and worship. This blog will be an art blog and about giving glory to Him. I'm trying to change it. Oh well. Perhaps you people can give suggestions what to do with it. But rest assured I'm keeping this blog. :)

2007-05-05T11:47:00.000+08:00

I changed my blogskin. It's been a long while since I've done it. Though this one isn't better than the other one. But still. Whatever. I just wanted a new one and a simple one. Simple enough. God colours my world no one can ever do that for me :) It's a very simple truth when I designed this skin. It's all about Him colouring this world of mine. Without God, this life would be so different or rather ruined.

In about a few weeks time, I'm ending my NAFA course. sigh. so sad. But well, there's like another huge project to do. a 8 page brochure to complete. Have not been really putting up what I've done in design class. it's really too busy for me. I can't finish my assignments what more to say that 8 page brochure. I haven't even got a theme for it. I'm contemplating between dance and photography. DANCE PHOTOGRAPHY? It's sounds good but it's not going to be easy. I'll think about it some more.

God has been teaching me something this week. Rather many things. keeping my heart pure from all the evil desires of the world to not do things to gain fame and limelight. That's not what we are here for. Why we are here is to spread His love to His people that He so love. The beautiful and wonderful things He says.

bounced off.

2007-05-03T09:29:00.000+08:00

It's something i did when I was trying to revamp my blog. Till now, I've not really come out with something that I want. oh well. mind block. I love God most!! He is much more caring than anyone out there especially when I'm sick. :) Thank you God, you're the best :)

2007-04-28T21:10:00.000+08:00

I'm very burdened. I don't know why. I thank God what U.nat shared about Europe. I thank God for that. It's in the list of nations God gave and asked me to pray. I'm shocked when God said Europe. God you're kidding man. Europe. Pray? Then when U.nat shared I realised why God asked me to be praying for them. I understood it finally. Like finally.

Time and time again He said this' there's a lot of things in the wordl that is happening, you may not know, butI do. But all I want is you to be praying over what I asked you to.' It's reminded again and again. I didn't know what and how to pray. Like for countries I've no idea what they are doing seriously. But a reminder to flip Operation World again. I've got that book somewhere on my shelve.

He answered a prayer on my way home. I thank you Father. I should have thought you abandon me there on my own. But still you sent someone. That's always you God. I was caught in a surprise in my email. Thank you Lord :)

2007-04-27T13:40:00.000+08:00

randoms.

I looked back. I never wanted to played guitar for worship after a bad experience. A horrid experience and things that happens in worship team just scarred me from going into worship. But God, chose to dig it all out. I stopped playing for a long long while. It's after so long I picked it up. I have no idea where I am going. God will lead and guide me, no worries for me. I finally got out of it. For all I've got, I give it to You. It's you alone, I give my all.

I'm bored. I'm on MC for school today. So bored. No school. But well it's great to have a time of rest. Tomorrow, guess what. It's southern cross. :) Miss my team members. Meeting them tomorrow :)

I've nothing else to say.

samsam

2007-04-26T12:15:00.000+08:00

Hebrews 13:1 - Continue to love each other with true Christian love.

In situations, God put you in, God wants us to love one another.It's so hard, sometimes, looking at the things happened and things done. Left me with another impression who the person really is. Perhaps, the person doesn't know what he or she had done. bah. God show me how to love in such circumstances. Break down this invisible wall.

Hebrews 13:13 Let us go out to him outside the camp and bear he disgrace he bore.

This verse popped out while I was doing QT. It's a hear desire to do this. To do what he did, though people looked down on you. Staring at you. Think's whatever you're doing is crazy. I think God is saying, don't be bothered by what others think of you. As long as you are doing what He wants, to share the gospel to do whatever it is. Just dont be bothered by what others say.Jesus bore the disgrace. But will you do it for him?

sigh. I've fallen sick again. boo. it's like coming to the weekend. I'm down with everything. flu, sore throat, headache, fever. Everything. it's kind of bad. Secondly, my ear piece died on me. I just changed a few months ago. sigh. but lesson God trying to teach me. Give thanks in all circumstances. Though you may feel like so angry, why spoil again that kind of thing. God taught me to control. To give thanks like Job did. I'm back to the lesson of Job. I must keep going. though circumstances may not be good, give thanks for all you have. :)

samsam

2007-04-21T21:53:00.000+08:00

'Don't be afraid, just trust me.' How delicate God speaks.

Forgive me for my lack of Faith. Not having the faith to believe what I prayed. Perhaps, often I doubt my prayers. But God said, every prayer mattered to Him. Even small ones, short ones. They don't have to be long long ones. Though I may not know the situation or what's happening in the place. I must faith in what I ask God for.

Gifts unfold, when I handed God the key to unlock a door I refused to open for so long. I guess, I was afraid how people looked at me, how bad I would look with a guitar. It's also because of past hurts. I never had the thought that I'll pick it up and play in the midst of people. But God is pestering me again and again. From Thailand till now. It's amazing. Now, I made a commitment to do what He asked me to write songs. From scratch, I'm going to learn. All I know, my first step is to take a psalm and start playing and sing. That's all God said.

samsam

2007-04-18T13:14:00.000+08:00

God told me, I'm going through a phase of training on Saturday. I didn't expect it to be so fast. From monday till now. I've went thru all kinds of things. Obedience to God. What He said, was really clear and I obeyed. I did it. It's through his grace and strength I was able to do it. I realised. Then yesterday, I lost my EZ Link card. I was like God, come on. I don't know what on earth happened. I was like oh crap. What happened. So I was lost, so I went to look for it at the interchange. Because I dropped it on 74. Then, there's so much more. I still went for design class. I'm utterly amazed how I survived. I wouldn't be so strong like tolerated it. I became stronger in God. I gave thanks even though I lost it again. I am the sotong of the sotongs. But I dont care. So I'm going to get a replacement. That's what He said. so I guess get it replaced. Well my learning points, is to be calm when you lose something important. Think who to call what to do. There's nothing as important as doing that. So, in the midst of confusion and frustration I could think what to do. If you know me, I could have went mad. Like what is this. that kind of thing. But God, I'm learning. Like you said you're training. So I am learning from you :)

Give thanks in all circumstances !! I learnt that :)

2007-04-15T21:02:00.000+08:00

new year.new semester. new friends. I'm amazed by His work. Last year in June 2006. God broke me into pieces really pieces. To do things His way and not my way. The reason I broke because I saw souls walking in the wrong direction. I told God somehow, you need to change the hearts of the people I see. I thank God that though it was really long ago. He answered. In a amazing manner. In His time not in ours, but His. I really thank God for using people to speak to talk to me that every prayer you make, make a difference, no matter how small or how short it is. God will answer in His time.

It was worship Jam yesterday, the worship team was ministered by God. It was really long but God is good. Things that were to be said was never left unsaid. God transformed this ministry. His ministry for the people. I guess, God spoke thru people as they prayed for us, again and again. I guess, today I unlocked a door I never wanted to open. Because I'm afraid. so afraid of music. I don't know because I'm whatever you have to say like music idiot. But God chose to me to unlock this door. I've feared even playing for mission trip. I struggled. I'm darn horrible about playing, but God made sure, after I come back, I will still pick up my guitar and play and sing. Whatever he said was quite true. I pick up guitar, because I dont know how to memorise chords so I play and sing my own song to God. But nevertheless, i'll never remember it.

There's so much things God spoke on Saturday and Sunday. It's like a whole lot. I'm to be a good girl and pray. Why? It was stupid of me? I told God for me to pray, it must be quiet. My house aren't quiet at all. So I told God perhaps in the night like 3 or 5 a.m that kind of thing. I realised I've not slept well for a whole week for a gd reason, now I remembered what I told God. I'll be a good girl to be always praying. Nothing more I can do. God loves us. :) I'm really happy.

2007-04-12T12:17:00.000+08:00

there's so much to do. Before school reopens next week. Every Thursday is my free day. But not in the evening like of course!So much to catch up on especially my design assignments. I've 3 left hanging. 6 variations of music and dance to be mounted and 6 Dingbats on an A3 board, typography- the worst. It seems I'm a school kid learning how to write letters. Tracing letters and make sure the spacing is what is required. Being tight, normal or loose. One mistake, you may have to redo it. and that sentence is so long! I'm off! But all these builds a portfolio I need and I thank God for that. I've learnt a lot in design. God's teaching me a lot of stuff. Stuff I need to handle and face if I'm to go into design. Handle my emotions well when things get a bit on the rough patch. But I'm happy :) I finished the recruitment newsletter!! praise God!!

samsam

2007-04-06T10:44:00.000+08:00

Here's my first superimposed picture on Photoshop. maybe not the first but the most perfect one. Obviously the sea and the wallpaper I did was fake. Anyway, I guess I can share this great news!! Daddy has agreed on getting an IMAC. big time. It's been so long. The process of asking for one. Process of learning this mac is not for my own pleasure but for work and for doing God's work in design. It's really a reminder of not to love the world but God only. I miss Thailand still the most, I want to go back there and do ministry. I love the kids in third world country. I'm sorry people the photos are still uploading in my shutterfly account. I miss my team mates still but it's great we're meeting every 4th sat of the month to pray for the seeds sown :) I've got to start having a consistent prayer life. It's so easy to pray when I'm in Thailand. When I'm back home. It's another story. Probably my 2 irritating sisters , i hope they dont see this. Probably they would, their tech savy as well.

I don't know what more to share about my trip. But here's something. God really make us meet this chinese tourist that we are suppose to meet at 7 to 8. But of course if he doesn't turn up so we'll go for dinner so went off at 7.30 without meeting him. So, we took the taxi, the taxi toured really long to get us to the BIG C place. I dont know why. After ordering our food, everyone has finished eating. There Godiva's food haven't even arrived. No one knows why either. After dinner was strolling looking at stuff to buy for friends and all. I have no idea why it took so long. They shopped every pushcart checking the price, spending a long time but not getting anything in the end. It was seriously really long, then the guys were suppose to get water they went to the supermarket and after abt 10 to 15 mins they came out empty handed and said can't find water. We were like? waste so much time. Then we finally got on to the Songtel (taxi) then when we reached our hotel, then guess what facing us was the tourist we're supposed to meet. I asked Arlene is he the one. Only a Yes. And they went to talk to him already. How God planned everything I'm suprised. Utterly lost of words. This tourist was no ordinary tourist we met. It's God sent. He said if he becomes a christian he wants to be like us to be missionaries to spread the gospel and he don't want to be a 100% christian but a 102% christian. I really hope he accepted christ when he went back to China and I'm quite certain his mum has been praying really hard for him. I can only say God is amazing .

2007-03-31T19:23:00.000+08:00

TEAM MATES WITHDRAWL SYMPTONS

10 days spent with Godiva, Sinyi, Winniejoy, Daniel, Bilson, Arlene and Martin. Now, I'm not quite used to it without them. Goodness. I've been out for camps and trips never felt like this before. From yesterday when we all parted, I felt a feeling of like so bored.

I thank God for all the 7 of you.

Godiva - dearest roomate, I miss you so much the drama we always have in our rooms doing silly things, trying to set alarm clock always lying in bed for no reason. Well, we love to sleep, we are always the earliest to sleep room :) Thank God for a room mate like her. We both love SLEEP!!

Sinyi - Thank God for team leader!! Always encouraging and guiding the team and leading the team. I guess, I've seen a different side of you. Cool, DG mate !! I'll tell you the rest when I see u in school or somewhere :)

Winniejoy - alright team staff. It's just like one of us. She leads the team and always remind us that we should not complain or argue because we're not on Holiday. Of course, that's not the point, she teaches things we should not do and explain why and a lot more. Now I've seen the other side of her when she do the funny things. :)

Daniel - Assistant Team leader! I thank God for you for bringing Joy to the team and making us laugh like crazy by saying funny stuff. Probably without you, I say 90% I will have a glum face. You are a super fast learner. I didn't really teach you guitar. But yet you picked it up really fast. Dont get a guitar yet, we can go check guitars out someday when you're free.

Bilson - Bil Bil Ah boy. The ah boy in the team. Always thinking deep, always so helpful in the team. I give you a thumbs up!! Logistics was done so well. All the days we have to travel back together as we stay in the west. I see you grow each time. Spiritual Maturity. I praise God for Him changing you so much. :)

Arlene - Hey you! I miss Arlene! 'How are you?' and 'Are you Ok ?' these words are always from you ensuring that we are fine, if not we'll tell you about it. And I thank God for you sharing with me your struggles and all that night. I remember deeply! Because I dont know. But I miss you ! Taking care of me when I had gastric pain on the first night.

Martin- martini!! I missed doing devotions with you around. Because what you share and pray makes the whole team giggle and laugh. The flipping of the bible !! Missed it. And the both of us walking behind guarding the team. Cheerful friend you are!! I see you in Crusade!! alright:)

They are my treasured teammates and I miss them terribly. Goodness.Anyway, whatever it is up there is in no particular order. I've learnt a lot of all of them. I'll share with you people the days when we are there and what we do :)

2007-03-30T20:39:00.000+08:00

Back from Thailand. - there are things meant not to be said here. I can share with you ppl as long you ask

Fourth time out for mission. God worked in my life once again. The call to intercede is confirmed and affirmed. In this trip. He told me, to intercede. So when I'm doing lobby ministry, guess what suddenly, tears streamed down my face. It flowed like a river. Pain was dwelling in my heart. So that's the start of interceding. There's so much more to share. I can't blog it all in one post :). Then there's so many things I've learnt there living with my dearest TEAM MATES! I'm missing them already. But well, we'll be meeting again soon to pray for the seeds sowed for the next 6 mths that they will really come to know the Lord. I learnt a lot! From my team mates and from a non believer.

I guess Uncle Yang, winniejoy and arlene met him and shared the gospel to Him. But it's in chinese because He's from China that's the ministry we went there to do. There he is so wise, not like Singapore Kopitiam uncles. This one. I'll try to type Chinese out. Because this lesson is way cool. For once, I started to learn Chinese once again. Which was excellent. No matter how people think or whatsoever Chinese ain't cool or what. Then I can only say I'm sorry you're losing out on something so big.

Uncle D said mission trip isn't one time but a lifetime. It inspired me, that my life I want to lead a life of Christ. To live is Christ, to die is gain. Just like Paul. Whether I get a big car big house doesn't matter let me say this. I don't want a perfect job or a very recognised job in the world. I realised to live a life like Paul is enough. I lost sight of it once, but now I've found back why I live my life for. To reach these unreached peoples in the world. Given a choice, I certainly would have stayed on in Thailand. Reaching the thais and the rest whom God send. I want to go for God again. but for Long period.

I love you Team mates. I cant write anymore. too much. i'll do the days break down in my next post.. and most importantly PHOTOS !! Loads of photos and my dear team, we are seriously drama kings and queens ... look at the videos.

2007-03-19T14:56:00.000+08:00

Point of Difference - Hillsong (All of the Above Album)

the tide is turning
this is redemptions hour
in the midst of a world lost for love
You are all we have now
the lost returning
salvation is all around
in the midst of the world broken down
You are all we have now
for You are God and this hope is ours
so Father open the skies
flood the earth with Your light
this is love
to break the world indifferent

our hearts are burning
a fire that won't burn out
in the midst of a world that's grown cold
You are all we have now
the earth resoundingthe anthem of your reknown
as we lift up our eyes
and look to Your glory

call us out
let the world see
You are God
and this hope is ours
so call us out
let the world see
You are God, as we sing

so Father open the skies
flood the earth with Your light
this is love
to break the world indifferent
as we lift up our eyes
fill our hearts with Your fire
in a world of sin we'll be different, the difference

our eyes are open
every chain now broken
in this world
we are different
let Your love become us
as we live to make You famous
in this world we are different

so call us out
let the world see
You are God,
one and only
in this world
You are all we have now

I decided blog abt this song. God been too Good. somehow, I got all the tracks of the all of the above album. Beautiful songs, I was grumbling when I come back surely the album will be out. So God some how make all of it appear :) thank you God. Now I have all of that in my Mp3 player. Ready to set off to Thailand. Though it looks not safe in Thailand. I wouldn't be bothered by those stuff. God is sending us in, so no worries. Anyway. This song touched me as I am about to go for the mission trip to Thailand because I want to do what He says to let His gospel reach many. Flood the earth with your light, this is love to break the world in different. Let the place I'm going be flooded with God's light for this is the love to change the world a different place :) Alright. I'm holding on to Him. sigh. I hate packing. I really hate it.. PACKING LUGGAGE IS TORTUROUS. I'm very sure, when your mum and dad keep asking did you bring this and that and you'll start panicking..Oh well they meant well .I got to go out to get something. I'm off already :)

2007-03-13T12:45:00.000+08:00

I'm on a hiatus till I come back from Thailand.

2007-03-08T14:31:00.000+08:00

I'm back again. I seemed to stuck in BLOGGING. the bloggers world :/ I shall give everyone an update on my mission trip 20 March to 30 March.

Southern Cross Project.
Support raising. Occured to me for the first time of my life. It's really been a humbling experience for me. :/ It's really trusting God for the funds. But He has proven he is JEHOVAH JIREH. No doubt. There seemed no way how did my funds came in. I printed my newsletter and I passed many out to brothers and sisters in Christ in church. For the first few weeks I received $250. I still got to raise like $500 more. Then support stopped coming in. But God said trust Him. Then everyone started passing me money last sunday.... Then, I hit my faith target which is the amount I need to raise to go for the trip. He is Jehovah Jireh. Thank you brothers and sisters in Christ for your support. Do support me in Prayers. There's still loads more to do. I'll update again about my trip :)

2007-03-07T20:51:00.000+08:00

My Tree of Prayer

by Wayne Dillard

God gave the gift of prayer to me,
it was like the seed of a great big tree.
I watered it and watched it grow,
not all at once but rather slow.

My tree of prayer then bore some fruit,
and I was glad it had taken root.
But in this joy that came to me,
I forgot to water my precious tree.

It soon was withered and very sick,
It bore no fruit like an old dry stick.
I felt ashamed of what I'd done,
God's gift to me was a special one.

Not only special to me,
you see,but to the others it could have set free.
I went to God to bear my shame,
and show Him the tree that bore His name.

It made Him sad to see me there,
with my withered little tree of prayer.
His sadness caused my heart to cry,
"Forgive me Lord for letting prayer die."

I laid my tree before His face,
and asked Him to pour out His grace.
He answered with His heart of love,
and renewed my tree from His throne above.

Now everyday I take great care,
to water my precious tree of prayer.

- I will hang in there. Because my GOD saves.

2007-03-07T15:09:00.001+08:00

sigh. feeling down before going for mission trip. :/ I feel like a listless soul roaming in the world. I feel really tired. There's so much to do. I seemed to be drowning in water. It seemed that I can't breathe anymore. Now, have it made an u turn back to what I've been like the everyday busy person. I'm really tired. I design because I love it. But I don't want to design just as a person says so. Then it would not be design. :( DESIGN TO EXPRESS NOT TO IMPRESS. I don't want whatever I made to impress but whatever I want to express be in there. Because that is the true meaning of design. I'm tired. I live in a sea of people yet I'm ignoring each person. It seemed that I don't wish to hear from anyone anymore. Silence seemed to be all that I need....

2007-03-07T15:09:00.000+08:00

2007-03-03T22:15:00.000+08:00

loads of things been happening. I roamed town today aimlessly. I don't know what's wrong with me. But I realised, God has always been there for me. Even though spiritual warfare is happening in my family since I'm going for a mission trip :( Granny couldn't walk. Uncle going for an operation next week. Both aunties hurt their hands and now dad cut his finger. I seriously think they are Satan's doing. What worsen the situation was datelines of assignments making me so busy and I seemed to be needed in the house if not what's going happen no one knows. But well, I survived. God is there for me. I am still $300 dollars short for the trip. But God is Jehovah Jireh. Thank you Joshua, I asked God help me raise my support. You said you'll support me. Thank you the 2 Papas in Heaven :)

I read Jonah. I'm running away from God above, but yet He doesn't let go. He is a God does not let go even you have let go. Thank you Jesus. Pray for me against spiritual warfare. One of my team member's granny just fell down. This is really spiritual warfare. Thinking it only happen in the mission trip was a wrong conception.. It happens anytime, because Satan just aren't happy with us as we are going to preach the Good News.

I recalled the verse of my life, that Jesus gave.
Then he said to them all:" if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up is cross daily and follow me." - Lucke 9:23

Denying yourself and taking up his cross daily and follow Him. Things that I've never done before whether I am curious or something I find it interesting it doesn't matter anymore. Denying oneself, it meant not thinking about the needs of one but for others for people. For God's ministry, that's the people of the world who have yet to recognise God the Saviour.

:)

2007-03-02T01:10:00.000+08:00

tired. I seemed to be working in a slum all these while after I started fiddling with design, video and stuff. :/ oh well. I realised Dancing is beautifully made by God. Seriously. So wonderful and beautiful. Really. Some videos caught my eye, and I took a whole night looking to download in proper format. that's me. I was thinking of putting some dance quotes but, I don't want to ruin some stuff. Tonight probably another night of research before another project. seems that my life revolves around media. Sometimes, I get really sick of it. But well, still I love to do all these kinds of things. anyone knows where can I get to watch so you think you can dance videos. I gotta stare at more videos.

This whole evening or rather afternoon till now was spent dealing with videos. went down to FMSS to get the DSA video done. Finally it was close at 1920. Came back researched the whole lot on dance. but that opened my eye. dance is art. design is art. music is art as well. Beautiful God. When all 3 comes together. It's a big piece of art. I shall leave a quote for all dancers of God out there. There are more. But decided to reveal this one.

DANCERS ARE ATHLETES OF GOD

2007-02-27T13:49:00.000+08:00

Thank God Thank God

away with the injections. I'm a happy girl. No tetanus nor polio or whatsoever. Only did a blood test today. last night was the commissioning for the wave 1 mission trippers at Foo Chow Methodist Church. It was great. Met up with my team again, discussed abt the usual has a worship and prayer session. Meeting up again next week. Big smile :) I'm really happy for a sister in christ. After asking her dad for more than 9 times if she can go for the mission trip. Which she is flying next week. Her dad finally smsed her a Yes yesterday night. That is how cool my Father in heaven is. :) Some children of God is dying to go on missions but yet faced so much things, but God is still the faithful God who will never disappoints. Preparing my heart for the upcoming mission trip to Thailand. Though Thailand is not really safe. But I don't really bother. We are sent into the land to preach the Gospel. :)

What do we have to keep in mind when we go for Mission Trip :)

1. A Single Mind( of preaching the Gospel to the people)
2. A Submissive Mind ( to put others first, being the servant.) - helping the team members
3. The spiritual Mind ( Putting aside your agenda but takin up God's agenda for us ) :)
4. The Secure mind ( Prayer bring peace and then fath) - worry is the greatest thief of joy. So we must not worry but trust God in Prayer :)

3 more weeks to the trip. Excited. :)

It's challenging. I'm going with people whom I don't really know :) But I'm sure we'll all be History Makers for God.

2007-02-24T23:18:00.000+08:00

took my eyes off the Lord. The problem became bigger than God's face. But, God called me back. He heard all my cries in the nights. Granny not been too good. worried. her heart is not in really good condition. I'm going away on mission trip from 20 March to the 30th March. I'm not afraid or what, just want to spend more time with granny. She took care of me since I'm a baby. I've committed all to God. He's in Control. Support raising for mission trip. I've still got $300 dollars to go. Pray for me people. For this coming mission trip, loads of spiritual warfare. The battle has begun. anyway. I got a letter from Ethopia. :) the kid that me and marcus sponsored sent us a letter. :) Blessed to be a blessing.

I vectored a daisy for a whole day. Don't intend to upload here. I'll do it on deviantart. Drew an angels the past few days. Really cute one. the one that rah claims is a 'Pau' face girl. boo. Anyway. I've decided to upload another illustrated art. I'm more in love with illustration these days.

set apart

2007-02-22T22:52:00.000+08:00

Papa Jesus said

' Know that the Lord has set apart the godly for himself;
the Lord will hear when I call to him.' - Psalm 4:3

I asked why people go clubbing and dancing? Though I want to go, I know I won't ever do that. It's been roaming in my heart. Why can't I do the same as people does. These 2 days, it just circled and circled me till God spoke. It reminded me of what God said months, weeks, maybe a year or two before. I'm just different. God wouldn't want me like that. He wants me to be set apart for Him. To do His work. Tough, but Jesus been there walking through the tears. I admit I'm a crybaby. Don't know why also. Watch documentaries, I can cry rivers of water. People who prayed for me also see me weeping. Sometimes, watching news I'll just walk to my room lock it and start crying in there for the people I see, interceding for them. :(

Dear God, thank you for giving me a life of love and compassion. I know I'm different I know you've called and chosen me. Teach me to be in the centre of Your will and walk in Your ways. Even though I have to forsake many things that I like, I know Lord you are worth it. In Jesus name, Amen. :)

2007-02-20T10:19:00.000+08:00

spending time at deviantart. is one of the best for wasting time. Oh well. I guess, I better get down to work. I've got an assignment to finish by tomorrow. To send an email and design a poster(advertisement) for church. I should have done it yesterday. Here's something I found in deviantart. I really love her illustrations. :) I won't upload all. :) lazy. sometimes, people don't understand what art is about. But all the ppl in deviantart is the friendliest people who doesn't discourage or give insulting comments .. in fact they does the opposite. they encourage and guide you. Found a place that I feel comfortable in. No longer feel that showing what I do the people around me, but putting it up in deviantart is much more comfortable. :) happy .

2007-02-19T16:04:00.000+08:00

sometimes I dont understand. clubbing, smoking and drinking. what's the fun part of such things of the world. I may not ever understand that, because I will never do that. my life has another purpose. Doing such things are meaningless, will all that make one happy or fulfilled.perhaps it does for a night, but it can't forever. you'll just land oneself in a whole mess. messed up life. the safest place is to be in the centre of God's will. I am very certain about that. I screwed up my life when I was 13 to 14. Total screw up. It just makes me understand that I wouldn't want another screwed up life again. Staying by the side of Papa Jesus just make me safe and secure. But somehow this fact people don't understand, nor would they want it. I'm happy but yet sad. I'm happy that I've such wonderful life right now. Yet I'm sad because there's so much needs of people, some are in pain, some are ignorant, some just don't understand who God is. these things make me sad. Sometimes, till now I still can't handle it. :( why am I in such a ministry like this?

2007-02-17T22:24:00.000+08:00

Chinese New Year.

I don't like Chinese new year. But well, a surprise this year. Dad entered the KITCHEN. and I seriously meant KITCHEN. :) He cooked the chicken and the duck. Addictive cooking trend in this LEO family. Granddad's a cook. Uncle is also a cook. Of course, all my aunties cook. My cousin a chef. Now, daddy entering the kitchen. That's like my whole family can cook :) Not bad, his cooking is not bad. I guess it runs in this family since my grandad loves to cook. Well, I love to cook too. But can't cook as well as grandad. Oh well. The photos of Dad cooking. I'll post it tomorrow alright? Breaking free from papers. feels great. though I got a shocker from my last paper. Things happened. Granny had to go to hospital to take a jab as she can't really walk anymore. But well, I know Jesus will take good care of her. :) After exams, I'm free to design. But, completing assignments just doesn't seem good. To print a A3 poster. I enjoy doing such things but making things complex to make it looks professional doesn't seem to be me. But I'll give it a shot. I've got wonderful teachers in Nafa and even great classmates. Enjoying all that I have right now. For the fact that i don't really like CNY. I'm going to try getting over it by doing these ten things

1. Sleep:) - if there's a chance
2. Do my principles of design assignment
3. Digital Media Assignment 1
4. Finish reading Praying God's will
5. Be a potato couch
5. Study the scrapbook magazine :)
6. Preferably get a COLOUR WHEEL :)
7. Meeting my friends for a movie :)
8. Surfing the net
9. Revamping my blog - It's been a while.
10. Drawing cartoons, manga - whatever. I need to LEARN to draw neatly.

Alright 10 ways of Spending CNY.

I wished Dad allowed me to paint my room. I'm sure to vector my room with silhouettes pictures+ drawing a rainbow on my wall. I could very well make the house that I staying looks prettier and not destroy it. I'm not a destroyer like my sister is. Oh well. Gtg. Pack my notice board. I pined so many papers. on it. Alright more blogging since I'm on holidays :)

2007-02-15T22:42:00.000+08:00

Papa Jesus. I don't know what to do right now. my last paper tomorrow. I'm not studying. But somehow things are going in. there's things I will never in this life understand why it happened. But papa Jesus I know it's within your plans. I may not know why right now nor have any rights to ask. But I'm reminded.

Whenever I feel down, when everything seems wrong
Such times I feel like just can't go on anymore.
When I remind myself of Him, He who can take away my cares
Jesus thanks for the faith I now have in You Lord

You have been Faithful in all of Your ways
Though we may not understand why we go through life this way
But we know, what it's like to be by your side
Teach us Lord to be like you to be so faithful and true.

These words of these songs, sustained me today. When you called, I won't refuse Papa. There's so much pain and turmoil when you first called. Till now, there is. During that time I feared. Till now I still fear but not that great anymore. Even things don't go right, but you remind me to look to You. Sometimes, in this ministry all I can do is to just cry. But when morning comes, His people rejoices. Let this be so. When I wake tomorrow morning.

samsam

aftermath of valentine's day

2007-02-15T15:41:00.000+08:00

I'm not in best of mood. Like right now. World is spinning fast. Faster and faster. Many things I want to ask Why. But I know I won't get the answer till the time is right. Things go and come. Just like it always does. I'm at a whirl. I should not be carrying this. I know God is up to something when I'm doing nothing. Burdened. But I can't express it. rawh. I'm leaving my thoughts till here.

de-sign it sam

2007-02-07T19:24:00.000+08:00

It never fails in the midst of exams my inspiration comes to design. I figured. Dreamweaver rocks!! This time. Blogskins. I wouldn't have to scan thru HTML tags anymore. editing them. Till I nearly died.I did a layout. This morning did it!! So happy. It's a picture and writing the abouts and the navigation and whatever I like now. I'm sure I'll be able to load it up soon but I am sure I'll miss this blogskin. I will miss it so badly. :( so sad. I'm tired of it yet not so tired of this blogskin. contradicting. oh well. I guess, there's so much. Design class yesterday. Drew all that. I finished inking all the 24. Draw it in pencil in last than 3 hrs. Amazing. :) Now need to photocopy and all. Design is certainly interesting but it's a good way to find out how PATIENT you are. taking note of the tiniest details. I'm so happy. I bought a scrapbook mag that is less than 10 dollars. which was excellent. The mag shows all the basic stuff. goodie.

Things to get :)

1.Craft knife

2. The scrapbook album - Mom promised

3.Paper trimmer( depends if I cant draw and cut straight)

4. I need the silver eyelets and brads.

5. More pattern paper and cardstock - as usual.

scrapbookholics.

2007-02-03T11:36:00.000+08:00

What I've been up to these days. Instead of running now. I'm in design. These are my assignments for my class in Nanyang academy of fine arts. I love art and design. Just can't seem to understand why I love art so much. I can't explain either. I don't like to express what I feel and talk to people. But I do know. Some of the things I want to say are said in the things I draw and the things I paint. Jesus taught me art. He taught me creativity as I asked for. There's so much things I want to do. Even people doesn't like art and all. It doesn't matter to me anymore. I will not be hurt by them or anything else like that because it just doesn't matter anymore. All that matters is that I want to reach for my dream to study designing indept. After I graduate from Ngee Ann. I know what I want to do. Even though, I know it's going to be hard. I will not give up. It's been a tough battle of what I really want to do. God is giving a chance to understand art and design and I'm making full use of it. I finally understand. Art expresses oneself. The character inside each artist and each drawing shows an expression of an artist that he or she wants to protray in the art piece. Alright. what's wrong with me today. talking about Art. Most of the times, one wont know who I am. Because, what I am on the outside may not be me on the inside. It's complicated. Because, only someone who actually knows me on the inside will know and understand me.

I'm of few words. I don't like to talk but I like to think. Jesus is with me. Nothing to be afraid of. He stands by me. Why should I be afraid. I love my Father in Heaven because He gives the best for me. When i was hungry looking for some biscuits instead of those biscuits he gave me a piece of cake. sometimes, He's presence is just amazing. Oh well. I want to reach more people for Jesus. I hope all my friends hear the story of Jesus. I don't want to be a selfish child that won't share my Love for my Saviour with my friends. I just hope they hear of this Saviour. Jesus Christ. alright my next update. Shall be on the story of Jesus and the life I've been thru. It may be quite a while I update. Because, it's my exam period. :( Till 16 Feb. I'll be back soon I guess.

my life is about Jesus and the Art He planted in me.
that's me. sam

2007-01-31T11:09:00.000+08:00

what am I thinking. www.stamp.sg Should I or should I not. Why does it comes during my exam period. It just like bad. I don't like this idea of having it at the wrong time. But seriously, I guess I just got an idea what to draw and design. Inspired from God. Alright, we'll see how. But still I got to mug for my exams.. Boo. I wished I didn't need to take exams. Design school been great. I've been drawing elephants, my sad frog , organised shoes and a light bulb. I really love design though i still is so bad at it but oh well. I love the things I do now. Studying and enjoying and scrapbooking. Just love art. In the midst of doing a scrapbook page for my sister. So that the 3 sisters can keep our childhood photos beautifully in the album. Daddy knows so much about photography and darkroom techniques of developing photos. Now it is to find a dark room and time to learn photo developing from him. I like the old way of doing things then sending it to a photo shop to develop. boo. alright. scrapbooking rocks.

check this site out -- www.madewithlove.com.sg I picked up scrapbooking from there. :)

2007-01-27T11:23:00.000+08:00

BOO. I've been struggling from early thursday morning till this morning. I struggled with the things and 2 chunks of sentences God gave me. I wont share what it is. Because it was not meant for any of you. yup. Finally, this morning I decided to send it to the person Jesus wants me to send it to. I hope the person is fine now. Jesus told me rest assured the person is ok. I'm having very mixed feeling right now. boo. I should just trust Jesus. I know Jesus knows all things but I don't no matter how i wreck my brain I just dont. Hope it helps. the whole of yesterday was just not me. thinking of what to do. How and all. Jesus is everything so I should just and be the who I am. Not to worry or be anxious just to trust Him. Everything is in His hands. The wonderful saviour.

2007-01-26T13:37:00.000+08:00

it's been a while. Loads of things been brushing past flying past. But God has never left me alone. He cared for me planned all the things for my days. The small details as not to be late for design class. Getting the transport here the moment I reach the bus stop and mrt station and even queuing for a burger. Really saw how God works in this life of mine. I love this life of mine. It's just about Jesus. Studying hard in school. This term is amazing we got 2 As for our projects. HRM and Blaw. It's just so amazing. So we'll just work together get the project done very well on our part.There's a lot of things running through my mind too. My mission to thailand this march. I need to raise my support now in total I still got to raise $610.It's so amazing that God provided the first 150 dollars already. There's things I worry about and I don't want to share it here and all. Just pray for me, that I will not worry but to be able to finish everything. alrightie. The photos are on my flickr. the photos of what I do in design class

2007-01-17T18:46:00.000+08:00

I'm stressed. But I'm still fine. I'm literally dying. There's a shoot tomorrow at Temasek Poly. It's like the other end of Singapore when I'm staying at Boon Lay. Sad thing is I'm missing LM. Why? Why is I&E so stressful. It's the most relax module. Because it is just a passable module. I'm going crazy already.There's so much uncertainty. When you just get shock by loads of stuff which you can go like what. Like an instant heart attack how the place change. rants. I'm so tired. I forgot totally about doing LM publicity. Oh my goodness. Sigh. Why is school so stress.

I had design class yesterday. The whole lesson was on using DOTS. It was fine. Till when we need to hand in 6 sketches by ink on the different dots design. Which I have a trouble differentiating what I've sketched. Like is this radiation dots and whatsoever. But I guess I want to thank God for Dad supporting me in design. Like he said. I know u can do it. I was like huh. Is that coming from him. Because I know he didn't really like me to do design. Somehow, I guess the love of design has just moved him. Because it's been 6 years. I've started to fall for design since I design websites when I was 13. heh. Finally, I'm doing something I enjoy. Saturday filming is cancelled for the time being. But I never know what will happen again. Like I said it comes like a heart attack. But don't u think it is so weird that a business student doing such things.

There's one thing I never regretted is coming to polytechnic. There's so much things you'll learn things you'll do. You learn how to do things the right way. To help people and guide ppl. Organising events and doing all kinds of things. Especially presentations. I think tonight doing that PHOTO IMPOSE picture. I'm going to laugh my head off. I guess I'll do it last. I am so not going to post it anywhere. Presentation and friends just brings me through poly. Off to do a report.

I did QT in the morning. I'm so happy. It's great to start off a day! Anyway, I remembered 2 quotes.

Write your plans in pencil. Let God have the eraser.

Your life is God's gift to you. But what you become is your gift to GOD.

Yup. Sometimes you think you want to do this and that in future but you can't write it in Ink. Because God knows what He has planned. Second one, I want to become more like Jesus. Because it is my gift back to God. Though there's so much things I've got to learn. At least,these days. I face my troubles with a smile. Because, I know Jesus is there with me to walk me thru. I played my guitar this morning. I can play F#m. For goodness sake. I don't like that chord. But today. It sounded fine and I can play it. So very thankful for God being there for me. :)

I hope I pass my ECD. Pray hard for me alright.

2007-01-14T20:07:00.000+08:00

alright. Though I fail in my ways. There's so much things that happened today. Though I have failed God in so many ways, after telling God so much so much still I thought to myself will God ever hear and answer me again. then, he told me Psalm 77:7 Will the Lord reject forever? Will he never show his favour again? He told me this verse. I was thinking God isn't a God who will do the above. Because I know God loves me. Guess a lot of things happened. I know my buddy and her sister to desire to go into a ministry. I was praying for them during worship.God answer immediately after that. So they actually came and told me their desire after the main service. So I told them I'll go talk to a.chris and u.cedric. It's been so long finally. I hope they will grow in their area of ministry.I know they will. God has blessed this family greatly with so many gifts and talents. They are so humble and true. I'm glad God gave such a precious friend to me.Through the tough times, that we had to go through. We walked through. Thousand times, we have talked abt leaving church but because of buddy. we both held on. Just want to Thank God.

Yesterday, I had my 1st mission meeting. 10 of us are going Thailand. My 1st support came in. I'm really so happy. I was praying about it yesterday. buddy prayed for me too. I am so blessed. I have not sent out any of our newsletter. For this trip, I think I learnt alot. Raising your own support for mission trip. Then, I'm in charge of prayer. For the longest time I know, I left my guitar lying there. I just don't want to touch it since June. Through loads of stuff. I didn't want to play. Guess, God just want me to bury the past and pick it up again. I really don't want to but I guess He made it such a way that I know he wants me to do it. hee. I think this mission trip will be exciting. :)

2007-01-10T11:00:00.000+08:00

I'm really happy happy.Yesterday was my first day at Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts (nafa) so don't ask me what is nafa again.I feel really happy and relaxed. No business stress. Which is such an relieve. Facing business is no joke and not fun and boxed up. Obviously I don't quite like the course I'm in right. In design class, me and camen are the youngest. boo. I'm the youngest of the class. Didn't expect this situation but I guess. I just love the whole place. I guess the environment and all. Mac labs. Photography studios and dark room and fine art stuff. Whatever, they are all my interests. Passion I say. I guess, I'll really enjoy this course. for 20 weeks. I love DESIGN! Finally, I'm pursuing something i love so much. :) just joy in my heart .

2007-01-05T22:57:00.000+08:00

Back From Meta. It's really a huge work God has done in me. I didn't know how to put it. I didn't want to share it though I was dying to yet hesistant. A calling from God I won't deny. It was so loud and clear.

I'm called to Missions. From the first till the last day, missions has been ringing in my head. I don't know why. I got really excited. It's a calling for me to go into the mission field. God's preparing me I know I'm in the process of moulding. Painful sometimes, yet joyous. I think during Mission Night in Meta you see there's 1/3 of the world out there still have not heard about the gospel. The tribal people. How about Nepal? It just caused me to think and feel that it's really a privilege to be here worshipping God and growing spiritually. But yet not doing enough of reaching out to your friends. I am really glad for this freedom I've found in Christ in Singapore as well. If you're in China, do you ever know how they will be persecuted.Yet they so desire to worship the Almighty God. Really, I'm really privileged.

Project X. It was great. My faith target was to share WYS with 3. If you ppl don't know what is WYS. Ask me and I'll tell you. I shared with 3. I struggled after sharing with 2. Demoralized I would say. I shared with a girl who is about to convert to another religion, I think it can't be a coincidence. I don't know sometimes God has already lay his plan when we carry it out. We don't even notice we are doing his will. heh. Mysterious God. :) After Project X back at PGP. Into the hall. I feel really happy. But tears just want to flow down my eyes when I see all these ppl coming back from the places all over singapore to share the Gospel. I really feel happy. That there's so many people that heard the Gospel. Then, the preacher preached about being a world Christian.4 main things about being a world christian

1. Be willing to follow
2. Be willing to see
3. Be willing to Pray
4. Be willing to Respond

The speaker gave a call to those who wants to serve Him. By then, tears been dropping already. Heart is stirring. Can't explain the kind of feeling. You just know that you are called you have to stand up. That's all that I know. I guess. The person sitting beside me felt what I felt. winnie was sitting beside me. I guess it was really what I've been seeing. When he said you feel for these people having compassion for all of them. It just came upon me, you know how I felt the speaker actually felt like that before too? I was too amazed and realized. God has put in my heart to love the people out there. But I guess. I know what I'm living for. What God wants me to do. Is lay out there. I am afraid of being a missionary. I don't know but you tend to think about loads of stuff. But there's like one important all missionaries should think about. God is right there for you. He leads you and guide you nothing to be afraid or fear of. In times of trouble and sadness, he's right there with you and comforting you. I've said my piece

Pray for me. God have not revealed loads of things yet.

One more thing. Do pray for sarah's grandad. He's still in ICU. this family, it's been like a second family to me. Their cares and concern their love, I don't know how to express. Sarah's my best friend. Pls do pray for her and her family. you ppl can read her blog to know more.

seeya :)

2007-01-04T20:26:00.000+08:00

I didn't go to school today. Touched school I went down to Mount E to see the doctor. I reckon I can't take it. With the flu, cough and my sore throat. One of my ears are blocked too. I guess. Been to the doctor's came home took the horrible medicine and off to bed. I totally knocked up for 3 hours or more. Though there's a make up lecture that I wanted to go and my project meetings. I guess I can't even get myself out of bed. How to go and study. Oh well. One of the biggest things I missed is the META thanksgiving in LM today. bah. I really wanted to go. I miss them a lot. Like real loads. especially serene, sinyi, van and all... I'm bored bored bored at home. I can't focus to do my assignments. That make it really horrible. That's just bad. Hopefully tomorrow will be much a better day I pray. Alright I shall share something about META again.

Meta brings me a very like heaven kind of thing. I don't know how to put it. The days you are there you feel like you don't have any worries because you don't even know what's happening outside. There's prayer labyrith for you to spend loads of time with God. Meta Cafe to draw write whatever God has given us. The gift of art and creativity. The meal times you have with your CG are like your family time. Then you go for class and you have free time for you to rest or to do whatever you want to do. Hangout for a coffee at meta cafe or whatever. I feel like it's heaven you know all you do is talk about what you're learning from God and everything. Really free from worries. happening . :) slowly I pray that I can share more. Rather, I can share more when it's one to one than putting on the blog ...

2007-01-02T12:23:00.000+08:00

The Jesus Squad

serene and me

Exodus

I'm the ONE RED DOT

cool friends

besties :)

MY DG!!

crystal and I at META'06 :)

wrpfers :)

black and white memories

NPCCC

we can really crap :)

constance and me

samsam

the singers

Returning back to 2006. This year has been long and trying for me. Really long and painful. Broken friendships. Cell was on the verge of breaking up. There was loads more. I had a hard time, I asked many Whys. There were points that I almost have given up this walk with Jesus. That tears just flowed down from my eyes. Jesus knew I can't take it anymore. He sent friends into my life. Friends that you don't expect. You wished they were your church friends talking to you. But they werent. I thank God for a brother that have been always always talking to me when I'm at my lowest point. Though we don't really know each other, you were right there when I needed a friend to talk to about my journey with God with friends and my life. Thank you brother daniel. I thank God for miracles and blessings as well. Friendships that are restored, the cell was still whole. Thank God. It's one of the most amazing thing God have given. There's so much that has happened in META 2006. I didn't want to go for Meta. Seriously. It happened in June as I desired to go for Joshua 21. To east timor. But I didn't get to go as their registration was already closed. There left me only with Metamorphosis. So I decided to go for meta perhaps God wants me to be there instead of east timor. There's so much that happened there. I wasn't walking with God right and proper. On the first day I committed everything to Jesus. It was amazing. God used me again. I am not ready to share it in here. But I will in time to come. I guess there's things that I can't put here. I guess God doesn't want me to share it with ppl yet. I'll keep it till then. I will share the things I learnt slowly. slowly. Day by day of meta of the things we did. To be that someone for God. I shall share the theme song with you ppl. This song brings me a deep meaning. For those who went for this camp. I guess it really speaks.

Hosanna by Paul Baloche

Praise is rising, eyes are turning to You, we turn to You
Hope is stirring, hearts are yearning for You, we long for You

Cause when we see You, we find strength to face the day

In Your Pres - ence all our fears are washed away, washed away

Ho - san - na, ho - sanna

You are the God Who saves us, worthy of all our praises

Ho - san - na, ho - sanna

Come have Your way among us

We welcome You here, Lord Jesus

Hear the sound of hearts returning to You, we turn to You

In Your Kingdom broken lives are made new, You make us new

'Cause when we see You, we find strength to face the day

In Your Pres - ence all our fears are washed away, washed away

'Cause when we see You, we find strength to face the day

In Your Pres - ence all our fears are washed away,

'Cause when we see You, we find strength to face the day

In Your Pres - ence all our fears are washed away, washed away

Ho - san - na, ho - san - na

2006-12-25T20:01:00.000+08:00

Christmas is here once again. Inside of me. I love Christmas and this time of the year most. But it tingles in my heart that in a tinkle of time it will be gone by the wind. How fast time flies, another year passed. This year or rather this time of my life, it's was tough walking, but God knows what He is doing now. He is doing what He needs to do to mould me. poof. It is hard. But it will be gone in no time.

Looking at my dreams of doing designing or whatever to do with creative arts. From the age of 13. It never changed. I'm quite suprised with myself. This week. I've learnt so much on DESIGN as a whole. What does it mean. What's the purpose of it. Design is not just PASSION from one. But each design or an art piece, have a basic purpose. A theme, an expression. A very good design is done when one put in their feelings into it. Every design comes back to the very basic purpose of why the de-signer designed. Certainly, I would say I have not found the basis of designing. But this Christmas makes me realise. All that i do I make I designed have to be done because of Christ alone. I learnt all that. Whether I will work in the designing, advertising or whatever creative art industry, it still depends on Him. Because it is not worth doing working if what we do is not what He want us to. It will become worthless.

But suprisingly, I'm quite suprise what a.joris told me yesterday. I'll get you to do some art stuff with her. I don't know what I want to serve in. Besides in prayer. I know, I still want to do digital, creative art. Anything to do with art. Because I know it's such a special gift from God.Thank you Jesus for coming to this world :)

Sister! Happy Birthday to you! same birthday as JESUS.

Alright, I'm heading off for METAMORPHOSIS 2006. I guess I want to end off the year this way. I wanna reach out to the LOST! I certainly want to meet all my team. I think it'll be really happening. I guess, I need that now. Lastly, can someone teach me how to pack. Oh my goodness, i can't decide to bring shoes. It is heavy to bring shoes. alright. I'm going off already. To eat the birthday cake. Alright. I will be disappearing till this saturday. BYE!

2006-12-18T22:08:00.000+08:00

Pretty don't you think so? Ripped it off from darrell's blog. I did loads of shopping today. BROKE. extremely. hahha... What I've got and what did I do. Shall not be said before Christmas certainly. That's suppose to be a suprise . I went to Made With Love. Again. The scrapbooking shop at PS. got my stuff. Just that the paint went out of stock. The black paint. so impossible to print anything without paint. oh well. My sis is going for the Just getting started class soon. I think. What did I get. We got a tool kit, glue dots, 2 different colours of eyelets, my stamp pads, cardstocks patterned papers as well as an acid free marker... Faint. The love of scrapbooking. Check this site out alright. it's about scrapbooking. www.madewithlove.com.sg. Still have not uploaded anything yet. I'll stay at home tomorrow I guess. Getting the craft stuff done. Doing up a page for my sister. I think Christmas is so busy. But what matters most is that it's about the BIRTH of JESUS CHRIST. Jesus Christ my Rock and Savior how wondrous His name is.

scrapbookholic

2006-12-16T22:16:00.000+08:00

Scrapbookholics

Found a new hobby. Well not so. But an expensive hobby indeed. -.- but you must know where to get your stuff and all. Well it's scrapbooking. Took another scrapbook class. I must say I love it and addictive. now my photos are not stuck in those dusty old albums. it's really pretty now. Life is beautiful alright. photos another day. really tired. I want to do more for my sisters my family and my friends of course. :) Don't ask me why Photography and art are my hobbies. I can't explain at all. It's just a PASSION. That I'll not give up because I love things that are pretty to my eyes and I want to capture moments of life that God gave. Because it's so beautiful. Every minute and every second is very precious. Because God can come anytime. talking about that. classmates. I think we need to take more photos together so that I can scrapbook you ppl into the pieces in my life.

Christmas Event

I promise Photos by tomorrow. alright. in flickr. Ok? I was like worried over the weather so I decided to pray so rah and I prayed. Thank God for the beautiful weather. Everyone had their piece of fun. I took photos with DSLR for the first time. with the lens. I have seen the lens my dad got. But he never allows me to touch it. Oh well. I got the chance to meddle with Marcus's camera. Thanks friend. haha. A.joris if you're reading this. You did a GREAT JOB!! seriously. I know how you feel. must be really stressed right. it's over and it's beautifully made. A time for bonding for our church members. Ppl being santas. 3 santas alright this time round. Justin, Brian and my favourite actro. He look like one. heh. so cute. there were bear, elf and clown. so cute. a pity I didn't take a photo with them. Of course it got quite sick of taking photos after you shot more than a 100 photos within the period 3 to 6.30 ? it's really tiring. But everyone had fun. Printing photos. it's the longest and worst part I would say. You're like sitting there and praying God can you make it work faster. We need to print loads more. haha. but yup rah was patient enough and organised enough. if it was me. I think I will mess it all up. Because it's me samsam. tomorrow i promise. photos up in flickr. :) see ya ppl. enjoy christmas :)

Tamagotchi craze

2006-12-06T11:34:00.000+08:00

Tamagotchi Craze

something is wrong with me. I can't believe it. My sisters are mad with tamagotchi once again. I am tempted to get that for a christmas present. Oh well. Because I guess last year or what. Everyone of us. Had one tamagotchi obviously we had so much fun playing when there's 3 tamagotchi at home. it's so funny. I think my parents are totally amuse by what the 3 of us always does. Then when it start chirping whatever you call that. My parents will like have you feed your pet a not. Wait later it dies. So somehow it became a whole family thingy. How weird but it looks fun. Perhaps I shall just dig out my old one. haha.

some recent updates about me
- my papers flew on monday, it flew everywhere and ppl picked up for me but I still lost one piece of it. oh well.
- yesterday I flipped beehoon of my yong tau fu soup again. Erika bound to laugh, I wonder how I did it again. lala.
- common test is here, it's so bad. The commitment to pray for an hour a day is still on. Till christmas at LEAST. I hope it would be forever though. :)

that's the life God gave me. How amazing how I actually live my life. Loads of funny stuff here and there. God seems to know I hate rainy days, bad times and all. That He knows me too well that I love the sun and all. :)

2006-12-01T19:56:00.000+08:00

Dad just bought me a new hard drive. Without me saying anything. Though I'm happy. I hoped for more. I want to get a new laptop. My apple laptop soley for design purposes. I did a ranking test for HRM tutorial. My first pirority of a job. Is to have an interesting job. A job that will interest me. Certainly for me, it's definitely not a business job. Putting me in a black and white world of papers and proposals will destroy me eventually. I will be in a terrible mess. I'm trying to ask myself why are you in business. I certainly have no idea. But putting me here make me realise what my dream really is. To be a designer. To learn photography to put things together. But certainly in this industry is really crazy with all kinds of projects. Perhaps you'll just like lie flat in the end. It is one of the most pressurizing jobs around which require you to work through the night but no doubt designers out there I'm sure they'll do it. Once they caught the inspiration we wont let go till we finish the whole design. I would say. But poly taught me well about working with people. I don't know it seems that these years in school there's so much quarrells with groupings the way people work. It taught me a lot you cant just run away, you got to overcome it. It'll be like that in the outside world. I realised. I'm going to have a fantastic year next year. Can't explain. At the end of the year it would be META. I'm excited I know there'll be a project E. And loads of things to do. Then as well as my gen12ii training. First time I'm raising support to go on Missions. I've never done that in my life. But well, trusting God for the providence as I really want to set my heart to going to Thailand to make a difference.

2006-11-29T22:09:00.000+08:00

How do I cope with stress. I think for me. I've got a way, it always help for me. Because, after doing that I'll just sleep happily and no unhappiness. What do I do. I would name the whole process Photos Theraphy. I'll start ramaging through photo sites especially flickr stock exchange deviantart etc. When I start meant, I'm stressed. I'll start downloading loads of photos to my computer. A certainly effective way of relieving stress. Looking at the flowers and the things pleasing to my eyes just makes me happy and relax. How weird.

I'm getting my kimono red birks. Lalala. It's red. Current favourite colour. Gosh. I think I took a night off from my books. Poly is no slacking time :) really. It's like not enough time. Common test next week.

reply to tags

joyce : yea soon when I'm not so lazy :)

Nat: hey all! the whole bunch of you all. thanks ya. Really encouraging to have such seniors in school a funny lot of ppl helping me with IEF. tongtong take your time. Finish already then pass to them or I can burn another one for them. :) heh.

recovering

2006-11-28T15:53:00.000+08:00

after quite a long while of silent hiatus. I'm back up. It's haven't been smooth sailing the past week. Been struggling, but God is with me. Thanks to those who prayed ya. Thankyou. Those who prayed that I'll find my file. My dg mate found my file. that pig file. I will post the 'lost file' later on tonight. here comes.

Lonely

Thankful that God put friends in my life.

2006-11-24T21:28:00.000+08:00

I'm tired. extremely seemed to reached the maximum since after a long while. I don't feel like writing in this blog anymore. From now on I'll just post pictures. I believe pictures speak thousand words. :)

2006-11-17T23:55:00.000+08:00

God I know you're preparing me for something. The time has not yet come for me. But you're preparing me in advance. I know you are. I'm so going to be mad soon. God. I just have to learn to take things a small step at a time.

Alright enough of these things, sarah finished A levels so we went MV doulos today. at VIVOCITY. woah. I got lost though. Oh well. It's too big for me to go round. Bought 4 more books in total I own 7 new books this week. All the books are deserved to be bought Oh well if I had a lot of money I guess I'll have bought so many books. Ate dinner had nice chats. Realised time passed so quickly. In a few decades time I would be an old lady. Would everyone around me heard of the gospel. How urgent time is. How about those who do not know God and Jesus. Where would they be. How many more would be lost? there's really no more time. He is coming. I have no idea when but He is. No time anymore.

So sad right. Urgency of time. Will even the people in the north and south pole heard about God? Have they? God you have many missionaries. God I don't want to be one that is standing at the same place. Just being a christian by name. But I want to go out there and reach more for Jesus. Would you save one more Jesus. How many is enough is 1 enough 2 ? or even a hundred. Would it be enough ? No it would not be enough. You would want to see all your friends and people know God and come to Christ. There's always one more out there for you to share the gospel to.

It's so easy to say this. But hard to do it. But God I want to commit it in your hands and I would want to start by sharing your word in my campus. During Harvest Day and Harvest Week. I would want people to hear of Your great Love. At least bare minimum that people heard of this love You gave. :) God that's the cry of my heart. Seeing the lost ones, just pains my heart. Those who drifted from you, forgive them bring them back and show them who You are. You are the God that cares for each of Your children. God open their ears for them to listen. I ask. Thank you Lord.

2006-11-17T00:39:00.000+08:00

Heard this in LM today.

'People wear cross at the front of your neck while Christ wore the cross at the back. '

Jesus died for you and I. He carried the cross. It was such a painful death, why did he do it for? you may ask. He bore all your sins upon the cross. He wants you to have life and have it to the full.

I've been thinking a lot these days. God said in Qt today

John 4:34
"My food", said Jesus," is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work."

What's the will of God for me now, I would definitely want to know. But all I know now it's tough to discern from hearing from You Lord. For I have little faith in myself if I heard correctly what you said. Or perhaps it's just the way I'm thinking, it's too hard for me Lord I can't do it. I'm feeling it now, doing what He says is so tough when He ask something you have no idea how you'll answer Him and certainly you know what is right but there's so many pull factors to make you not do what God says. Oh well. God if it's really your will do something. Show me something, bring people to speak to me. To tell me, I am to do what He ask of me. Though I hope it is not at this very time. But it is, I'll do as you say if you say now.

* God show me. I pray. Bring me out of this wilderness. Bring me into your arms. My life is no longer mine it's yours alone. This life lies in the palm of Your hands. You have the power to lead and guide me to where you want me to be.

2006-11-15T20:52:00.000+08:00

today, how amazing daddy picked from school we went home I got into t shirt and shorts and off we went to JTC to play tennis. Obviously I know how to run. When it comes to tennis, I know nuts. So dad, taught me how to play. it's really not easy to play tennis. Wonder when will I be able to play tennis again. heh. it's quite fun and learning forehand and backhand just bad. I can do it in badminton but I can't seem to do it in tennis. Alright learning tennis is a good thing. Then Dad will have someone to play with as time goes by. Righto. the tennis Dad. I just don't seem to like understand why he would play twice a week. It's a weekly thing that he will NEVER miss unless special circumstances, exam and it's raining. He will definitely go for his game. Till now, he even joined tournament. I was like suprised. But JTC is so empty and creepy. That place is so silent. Not too good. but enjoyable time there.

2006-11-14T19:03:00.000+08:00

MV doulos and me :)

Inside the Heart of the ship (engine room)

Laundry Laundry

The warm and moist cookie that I gave a bite :)

me again :)

Daddy in the engine room :)

this afternoon was well spent rushing from school to vivocity to do what get on board on MV doulos.How wonderful. Dad shock me when he said you know what I came down from MV doulos. Thanks Dad for such a shocker that you took leave out of the sudden. When I got there he bought mum a new bible. When I went haha. Meant more books. Got 3 books. I'm quite certain I'll get even more. because I know I love books. If you don't know I am a bookworm now. It's my only leisure. It rocks to be reading. But one thing that left me sad was I lost my phone pouch my pretty pouch I knew I was going to lose it somehow. Oh well. It was lost. No regrets it's expected to be lost on saturday. But now of all places Vivocity. I didn't get to shop around vivocity and all. I've so much to do yet so little time. Got a new notebook for journal. My journal is already at half way mark already. I think I rant too much sometimes. I discovered something when I left the ship. I was asking if I would serve on board after I graduate. It just brings me back to the memory I had in august. God told me nations. I don't understand it. Early this year I drew a cross on the globe. I don't understand why either God has told me I'm chosen and certainly I've no idea either what it exactly mean, nations have been coming to me so many times in QT and in all ways. Finally I see a link somewhere. But I'm not sure. But God if it is what you want me to do. I will. :) I love you God. You are my rock my shelter and the One who guides me in the wilderness through thick and thin. :)

2006-11-13T18:06:00.000+08:00

Thinking over it now, I feel very happy i took it up. Here comes one of my friends joining me it just makes me happy because I knew I was fortunate to study that.heh. With her around, just makes me really happy that I signed up. lalala. This was one thing that happened in school.

God has been too good. He's been telling me, see Sam you see I'm with you. What you worry about is nothing just have faith in Him. I will trust Him in all ways my future my school, my projects, God I'm trusting all these things to you. I often forget to trust all these to you. As I try to do it myself, the worse it became. I need to remember this for I always forget about trusting you in all parts of my life not just some parts. But you are giving me a lot of things suddenly that I can hardly cope and understand what was all that you have shown me. God all I pray is that you'll reveal what you shown me the meaning of everything I ask.

v.comm rocks!! God rocks too :)

2006-11-12T19:02:00.000+08:00

I forgot totally my prophecy. God called many few are chosen. There goes. one of the chosen few through a prophecy was made clear to me. Pondered over a while and I didn't take it seriously. God shook me up and cleansed me removed all that was unholy in his sight within me and he revealed Loud and clear Isaiah 49:7 during one of the night. That i was chosen, this kind of feeling was like yes it's true so clear and even true now. I don't what to do. I only know, it's so hard when I pray these days. Upsets and I see the world now. crying and crying. but I can't do anything. But to tell God about it. He hears I know he hears what I prayed. But there's something bugging me. I don't know who tell. Because I'm afraid. I need to be more joyful. Lately been really bugged by this world. sorrows of the world became my sorrows. How do i put it I can't balance it. Which I think I need to. God help me. I'm your child. You held me in Your arms. nothing can be better than spending the rest of my life with You. my life is Yours not mine not my parents but Yours. For I don't think I'll still be alive if You did not sustained me.

God you are my Father. You know me best. Can I ask that you don't give sudden shocks but reveal things slowly that I can accept it. :)

unphotographable.

2006-11-10T21:47:00.000+08:00

finally. I've sort of finish with my art journal. you know what. I went looking for blogskins hunting up and down. I realised there's no simple blogskin. I gave up. I decided to use the template given. I'm still lazy as usual. there's some recent photos not uploaded again. heh. what to do it's Samantha Leo. haha. finally Jonathan if you're reading this. it's up www.unphotographable.blogspot.com . The creativity unleashed. I signed up for part time course in NAFA already. I don't know I'm worried about my time management. Somehow, I hope I'll get pass it. :)

seek God. find God.

reach the old folks

2006-11-08T20:32:00.000+08:00

alright. I'm can't quite control my emotions. hah. I guess. There was this period of time earlier this evening. I was crying uncontrollably again. God just put something in my heart I felt so upset, I guess I have not been reaching or helping them in a way that I should. I just saw a movie advertisement on TV. It's called the way home. a korean movie. It's screened this friday night at 11.30. It shows this old granny taking care of his grandson. He was so young as usual. Quarrels happen and they were poor and this kid was teaching his grandma how to write. It really led me to tears. Sometimes we neglect this group of people. They are lovable people. I'm serious. Granny to me is just so cool sometimes but at times I get irritated I snapped at times. :( oh well. I guess. God's speaking to me that this group of people need God too. Will you reach out to them help them, by just sharing with them what Jesus has done. That they may come to know who is Jesus. It's been a long while I guess. I wanted my granny to speak Jesus in her life. One night she spoke smth abt Jesus. I was so excited and elated. God use me, if you want me to reach them, you show me. God has been very good, after tough times, I'm back to great times and he's teaching me things that I should be doing. Now, I don't have a choice anymore. Because God now put what He wants me to pray and intercede for in this small heart of mine. Though I thought to myself how inadequate I am. But I realised yes I'm in adequate. But my God fulfils all things. He is I am Possible. To him all things are possible. Thank you God. Your rock. :)

2006-11-07T21:09:00.000+08:00

I've been writing quite badly these days. oh well. Just came back from holland v. Found another nice hang out at essential brews. hmm. one of these days you ppl should just pop by it's just a nice place to chat and do bible study of course. I went there with my DG today. It was great fun. Shared about a lot of things. Details, I don't feel like going into it. I'll gladly share with you if you ask me heh. There's so much things going on in my life. really so much things. Oh right. I want to say I love you daddy. you rock. I don't know like I thank God for such a cool Dad, seriously, I don't know but we have similar hobbies. IT and cameras. + sports. We share the same interest oh well. He's so cool that I just wished I could get him a DSLR. haha. I know he'll love one. it'll be the time when I work. Alright dad. There's so much things. I realised. I need to raise my money for missions for thailand. It's sort of bugging me. as I have not told my parents I'm going for missions next year. I really hope i can raise the money. Lord pls provide. Let this not come from my parents but show me you're God the provider. Lord I have faith in You. There's nothing impossible for you I believe. Christmas is coming. Meta Camp is coming. Of course God is coming too. Life is so different now a days. I was really stressed. I get stressed easily, could not really cope with schoolwork that's kind of bad. What more to say. I'm signing up for NAFA course. That's like ultra more work. I wonder if my dad would help me get a laptop and I return my current laptop to him. that I'll pay him back when I work. God I need to learn to trust you. God pls pls pls. alright. I'll stop ranting and go do my Quiet Time with God and start praying. Heh. There was this email that goes. God is like the vipers on the cars. as rain is our sins it keeps dropping on the car screens and God forgives and will be wiped away with the vipers. That's how forgiving God is. Lastly, one more thing to add I guess all sins are forgiven even those who commited sucide.. God can forgive that, but oh well. I'll tell you why next time round. tata. Learnt a lot today. :)

:)

2006-11-05T22:42:00.000+08:00

it's been quite a long while since I blogged. doing my art journal. very slow progress. Pls do bear with me. Oh well. It'll become a place where I place what the Lord has given art in the area of art be in the blog. I seriously lost the trend of blogging. no good seriously. But what can I say. I'm back on track with God and I've started praying more consistently now resulting less awakening in the night. Oh yes. Granny met with a minor accident today. oh well don't worry she's fine. a few cuts here and there. God protects thank you Lord, I felt so disoriented today. floaty. guess I was tired. I slept at 1 plus 2 last night to do my art journal. shucks. I realised there's so much to do. Christmas is coming. I need to print photos out and keep it. Need to get a photo album. A nice one definitely. so much so much. Catch up with tutorials. alright I'll upload photos soon I hope.

2006-11-01T09:21:00.000+08:00

I'm dreaming dreams again. But this kind of feelings kind of bad. Because when you have no idea why you are dreaming.

First dream. I was praying for demon possessed friend. I just dont know why I actually dream that. Yesterday I dreamt again. I was at sentosa somehow, then there came a tsunami. Never seen the waters so blue though. it appears very real somehow, then I got up and ran and everyone started to run. run through the forest. I don't know what happened after that. I woke up I guess. that's that. I'm in the midst of building an art journal. To put up the things I do again. I guess thanks jon.leong. haha. I think God is working. God wants me to go into visual arts and this time all the signs of confirmation came from email. Arty Farty emails. And an encouraging email from john ho. thanks man. no.2 confrimation. I'll sign up!! Nothing can come in between if God is for me. He's with me and will walk me through thank you Lord :) alrightie.

imac-300x225

2006-10-24T11:22:00.000+08:00

imac-300x225
Originally uploaded by justwhck.

oh fine. I'm obssessed with apple computers. Macbook to Imac. God would you please provide a good computer for me. Well for now I think an IMAC or Macbook will do fine. God I think the signs you given me 2 of them of telling me to go sign up for visual arts. Thank you God. But I'm worried about the time it ends at 10. I will reach home nearly 12. If everything doesn't go so smoothly. but well, passion pushes all such things aside. But God, if I don't take up the 6 months internship. Pls provide a macbook for me pls!! There's so much things to pay for camps and gen12ii. Really need your providence God. For yesterday I went shoeless. This morning I woke up. Yesterday to cross that 'waterfall' in school, I have to take off my shoes and cross it. The question God asked me this morning was. So, would do whatever it takes to do God's work. To do it for Jesus? It was hard to answer. Finally I struggled with a YES! Happy Holidays to all! take care!

Jesus walks on water but sam sam walks in water

2006-10-23T20:01:00.000+08:00

Water smooth as glass
Originally uploaded by Bill Gunnells.

alright. Beautiful waters. Right but today was not a good monday after all. But still water fun! Just like when I was a kid who loves wearing rain coat running about. Even it's for 10 minutes I just enjoy every minute of it. Well, Jesus walks on water. But haha. I'm not God or anybody so I ended up walking in water today in school sadly yes. Removing my birks walking through water. because we met a waterfall on our way to the bus stop. Our plan of hiding from the rain became a joke of the month. We all became so wet. Oh well, could have called a cab I realised since we took a cab to lecture from Blk 72 to LT45. We just did something dumb by trying to attempt walking. Everyone was wet. Erika hair had gel so you should be able to guess what happened to her hair. We had to even go to toilet and make sure we are ok and alright before heading out to the bus stop funny. But enjoyable. God you reminded me of Jesus walking on water. How great it will be if we are able to do that. haha. I guess one of the things I'll learn when I get to heaven is God teach me how to walk on water. a fun day made by friends and of course I wouldn't be able to see this day if God didn't allow me to wake up from my sleep. Thank you God for the friends and the rain :)

2006-10-21T21:01:00.000+08:00

The colours of a rainbow after a big rainstorm. It's over. The sun's out there stands the rainbow. Reminding me of God's covenant of the rainbow. I can't deny I'm struggling with irritating thoughts running in my mind, under the evil one attack. I've recognised it and standing firm and turn bad thoughts to thoughts asking hmm. What can I do for Jesus? I'm utterly tired don't ask me why I'm so tired. I'm having a tiredness syndrome is it. Always feeling tired. which is bad. oh yes. I've packed my room. Now's it's tidy and clean :) I think this thing God been teaching about faithfulness is like so important to me. I can't lie I actually thought of skipping cell like I always have. I was like I'm tired so I don't want to go. But God will tell me how faithful Jesus was. So I was like ok Go Sam. Go. I know I've learn to be faithful in all ways God would want me to. To be faithful. Sometimes when everyone don't you'll be tempted like I don't go nevermind. But actually it's a different story altogether. There's always a reason behind faithfulness I believe God is the ever faithful God. Can you imagine if He isn't faithful. I think I'll feel betrayed like where are you when I need you. But well God is the FAITHFUL one. never fails to be there for us and hear us care for us and help us. Thank you God !!

smily faces

2006-10-20T11:07:00.000+08:00

smily faces
Originally uploaded by justwhck.

I'm blogging from flickr. This picture here is my favourite from last saturday canon digital life photomarathon 2006. I'll be back in 2007. I really got to polish my skills. To shoot abstract and different things. This picture here was taken when I'm having breakfast with God. i just lay down my journal and took it. The rest of my pictures are all on flickr. search under justwhck. you'll find the photos I suppose. I've been slipping away from God bit by bit. But I have to stand firm to go to God. I guess there's many factors. I'm struggling to be His living testimony. Because sometimes I feel it's so secular. It's so not right. I don't seemed to be able to get out of it after like after a while of staying there. Oh well. I'm glad I made a decision to be faithful. I made a commitment to a ministry. I just want to thank God. God wants me to be faithful till the end no matter how tough it is. So yeps. Alright just wanna tell you people. Jesus LOVES you!!!

2006-10-13T16:14:00.000+08:00

10 Things to Do before Going back to SCHOOL
1. Pack the messy room, bed and table in my house.
~~2. Get your stationeries, pens, files, dividers, notebooks whatever.~~
3. Get the ITP report done. Like duh.
4. Buy your samsung phone
5. Hopefully finish Extravagant Worship (awesome book!)
6. Return the ' I am not but I know I am' book to U.ced and A.Chris
7. Bring Rachel Scott and lend it to Nathan
8. Print my notes and timetable
9. Send out the publicity email for Passion Reignite
10. Meet Bong for dinner :)

I really got to finish all these. Actually, there's more than 10. Oh well. As usual. Too many things to complete. Last day of work. I just have a feeling JESUS is with me throughout the 7 weeks. Somehow there's this bird will appear outside my window daily. It just remind me of God. Like He telling me I am OMNIPRESENT. Like I am there forever and ever, every moment every second. When I'm struggling with temptations and all He's right there for me. To cling and hold on to. Thank you dear GOD. The coolest GOD and DAD of the UNIVERSE!! It's a relieve that school is starting. Certainly I miss school. If you hate schooling, I'll tell you what you'll hate working even more. Now I understand what is the cold and cruel working world is about. alright. Thank God for wonderful colleagues who care so much for me though I created so many jokes in the office. Like I'll answer the phone like ok. Then I'll say ' Did somebody called somebody' Everyone was like right what are you talking about. That's one the other one was really bad. I actually called my own office without knowing. I'm supposed to call other companies I called my own office and I spoke to my colleague and I have totally no idea still. :) sarahmok. if you're reading this. I think we are equally blur. haha. Miss the crusaders man. tatta. HAPPIEST DAY of the MONTH!!

2006-10-10T12:24:00.000+08:00

another 2 pieces of art inspired by God. I don't know what's wrong with me and trees or perhaps nature and flowers. Only God knows. I don't feel like blogging. Blog another day about the 10 things I must do before I go back to school next week. hah.

2006-10-08T18:54:00.000+08:00

I suddenly feel so tired in life. I wanted to hide in all my ways. But I chose not to. Because someone said by doing that aren't you hiding from the problem as well. I guess that's true. Problems surfaces no anxiety no fear nothing but PEACE. How ironic. But deep within me I'm upset with all the problems there's nothing much to be done if God has taken control. I certainly believe He did. I have went through the process when perhaps now some people are going through the uprooting and regrowing of the roots. In June, you'll definitely see me as a zombie thanks to sonicfest i was uprooted by God and growing well with God. I guess the turning point in my life is certainly sonicfest 2006. It may sounds stupid to people is just a festival but by leaps and jumps the God I love came upon many right there. People came to Christ, the rededication of life came that night. Must be wondering what happened to me. that's another story. Too many stories. But I've got a testimony for I guess after 8 years I've been breathing through my mouth. because my nose is like blocked. sinus problems since i was like 10. But God healed me of that yesterday after prayer and breaking free from bondages i can breathe like never before. Thank you God. For all my days I seek You. Things may turn out unpleasant but God is faithful. He is the ever faithful God who never forsake. He answers but human faults that we don't remember that we ask and we forget.

2006-10-06T23:19:00.000+08:00

Write all your plans in pencil.
Giving God the eraser.

here's the original quote. The very first one got it from daniel ho. I thought it was beautiful. Giving God the eraser meant He is going to erase all our plans off and do what God has planned for us.

Lord,
you see your children in pain.
The pain that no one may understand but you understand.
Drop your tears from heaven, heal these deep wounds of theirs
hold their hands tight and lead them to the right path.
When each child falls you will smile sweetly at them and say
these words ' it's alright, come to me' . Father, in this world
of darkness father I pray that light come upon the people in
this world that they don't sink into darkness but stand in awe
in the light of yours. I pray.
Amen.

2006-10-02T13:18:00.000+08:00

it's been really long. whatever it is. I've been through a lot. God taught me a lot and still have to teach me cleanse me in order to do his work. Breaking the resentments in my heart. oh well. it's great to do GOD's work. Just want to share with you ppl this verse

Do you not know? Have you not heard ? The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the Earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.
Isaiah 40:28

God is unfathomable. No one understand God. I agree with that totally. Sometimes we ask God why things turn out so bad. But there's no answer. Because we can't understand why either. But remember jeremiah 29:11 His plans are to prosper us to give us hope and a future. From now onwards, I will not question God why things turn out this way. Why did this happen and all. For I am not even deem fit to ask why.

Then he said to them all: " If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me."
Luke 9:23

This the verse why I'm living for. I want to follow after God. Denying myself and take up the cross and follow God. It's not easy but still I'll forsake things that have to be forsaken for HE is worthy of me doing this.

2006-09-12T14:01:00.000+08:00

It's scary really. I meant it. Things are happening. If you people do not know. Life and death can be in seconds. Right in front of me. A taxi could have really knock someone dead. right in front of my very own eyes. With the call of God in the middle night to pray again. It no longer seems this world in safe. But God kept saying you are with me to me. ' They are mine.' Thank you Lord. I know that I am yours. Your precious child. You called and chose me. Yet I do not know what you want of me. You send visions dreams you speak so clearly and true to me. To bring me right on your lap once again. God I really hope you take me home. I no longer feel I'm li
ving in this world. I'm feeling it more like an illusion more and more. I just don't want to stay here but be right beside you. Even I have to pray 1000 years I will. I meant it. Though I'm quite sure I would fall asleep somehow. God bring me through it. someone please pray for me.

friends

2006-09-07T22:44:00.000+08:00

friends make up a big part of your life. But still the words of God linger in this small mind of mine. 'You're my best friend!' you said. A big wide smile spread across my face. People around me thinks why am I smiling to myself. But it doesn't matter. What matter most was the four words. I just want to say thank you to all my friends out there be it that I seldom talk to you. In this world time is just running out so out to me. If I have left a month in this world what would I do? I would go and share Christ with many and have solitude with the Lord. Thank you God for these friends who are in my life. Too many to be named. Thank you Lord for my friends. Thank you Father for all.

I've started to listen to chinese songs again. interesting ya. samantha actually listens. heh. But only 1 particular band that I listen to. They are basically the only one I listen to. Only their chinese songs. F.I.R I don't know perhaps it's their way they sing makes me really listen to their music. Great band! That's the only chinese band.

Attachment is getting quite fun. Got a nice indirect boss. His name is Eric. Interesting. He truly can make one laugh. Taught me how to talk to aunties. Interesting how to strike a conversation just make me smile. God put wonderful people around me. Though they have not known Christ yet but I believe God is doing His work. I've got a beautiful job. To call and talk to people. Time passes quickly. Went out to east coast for lunch with my bosses. They drive so no harm. Nice isn't it. I've got another treat today. :) Thank you God. I'm going to study His word. I love blogging :) . cya peepx

2006-09-07T00:07:00.000+08:00

this picture is taken at zara. tonight I spent the night editing photos learning more phot techniques. I got to learn illustrator! I can't get the brushes working. So angry! oh well any way. I forgot to blog this! Sinyi gave me a L.I.F.E card. It's really cute. I'll post the picture tomorrow that reminds me what life is all about. L stands for Love. I for Integrity. F for Faith. E for effectiveness. Oh well that's what crusade LIFE meeting is all about it's just like a service but well our service got a name ! :) I thought crusade is really organised :) All the commitees are really great be it SM and ST or subcomm are great. They are really faithful workers. Faithful. It dawned upon me why can't I meet my friends at 7 and stay in orchard since I'm going to botanical gardens. Why am I faithful the past few months or a year for cell? Why am I like the only one? I'm tired I complained to God. He asked am I not faithful? It's a test of your faithfulness to ME says the Lord. I was like alright. I'll go for cell. Don't be mistaken, I'm not discouraged. I just don't feel encouraged to go for cell. I'm stopping here. Really gotta sleep. take care peepx.

2006-09-05T20:19:00.000+08:00

"Praise is not a 'happy-clappy' song. Praise is not the fast songs before the nice, slow worship songs. Praise is a declaration, a victory cry, proclaiming faith to stand firm in the place God has given you. Praise is a proclamation that the Enemy's intent to plunder you will not rock you. Praise declares that you will not be moved by the Enemy attempt to snatch you away" - Darlene Zschech

I was reading in the morning for say about 2 hours during work. Reading Extravagant Worship. Heh. God you're so cool. I was like 2 hours I was without a comp some how so I can't work so I read I was like so good I'm slacking. I was like hey God you're my best friend. He said " you too." I was like yeah. we are best friends. That makes my day though I feel sleepy at least I got through it still. I reckon. Me, Samantha Leo needs a job that move around all day and not stay in the office. Because it makes one FAT! heh. I miss the sun! I miss running swimming and playing sports.

Talking about that when I was walking home. I told myself LEARNING is forever. So I'm like going to really study Graphic Design and Photography. I guess I'll go indept into studying these. I love Photography as well as Graphic Design and in any case both of them work really too well with each other. I guess. Being a photographer can't be too bad. But I guess I'm someone who hates to be someone else when I'm just Samantha Leo. Come on, I don't like office wear nor do I like heels. I love my converse sneakers my blue fold up jeans and my T-shirts. That's me. I don't like to have people watching over me all the time.Oh well. I want to be ME!! I promise I don't want to work in such firms again. At least not for now!

Basically been reading Extravagant Worship. It's a great book. Awesome. I guess I got my answer why I'm grieving all these while. Intercessory. That's the word. I was reading. Praise and Worship is intercessory. Let alone my tears. I guess. Father you show me things in your time. Which I'm really happy. Shout it OUT! to invade hell and excite the heavens. to invade hell that we worship the only ONE true God that they be afraid of who we WORSHIP.

I don't know why I felt very lost few days back. I don't know why am I crazy or what. I was like why aren't there any christian art workshops. Why are there so many worship workshops but no such workshops not counting sonicfest. that's unfair. I promise if I'm not going hillsong conference or whatsoever I promise I would go for sonicfest. Taking art elective because that was what I've been searching high and low for. One more thing. I will only teach only ONE person art and design. But till now I do not know who. That's a promise. I guess God the one criteria I set is really too hard for anyone. Sometimes I don't feel humble at all too. I want the person i teach to be humble oh well. I believe there is someone like that. God I was lost for a few weeks out in the wilderness and now I'm back in Your loving arms. God you know what I meant you showed me again in another vision :)

I've got a uber cool God in the house !

2006-09-02T00:44:00.000+08:00

I've found myself indulge in reading christian books as a time for me. As for working. I don't like it. Because I can't do it. I just could not. Not that I'm crazy or what but work drive one nuts. Basically, I guess the way I stand so strong to do art. Will never fail me. I learnt how important it is to me. God knows how I love it. Sometimes, when one discriminate it. I'll explain what truly it is all about. God created art. If there isn't God there is no art. Art are things that can't be express in words. They are the inner feelings of one in the inside. I've understood that. I miss God. But yet why I just could not get back to Him. When in the deep waters that I can't swim upwards. A moment of anger. Oh well the book above is one book I'll get after my attachment. I'll import it if I have to. Selah. Pause and reflect. I need it man. My work. argh. super boring. They want me to wear like heels. I'm going to faint. I don't believe in such things. I want to be me. The person God made me to be. to be out painting drawing. Learning in the ways of art from Him. But I just hate this. I'm going botanical gardens tomorrow morning. Be it draw paint or whatsoever. I am just going to do that.Spend time with Him. I want to spend a very very long time with Him. I want to tell Him all that I'm going through. I also want to get another book
are there any dancers in the house? when I was young I learnt ballet. Believe it or not been through those exams anyway. Doubting right. heh. Whatever it is. Dancing it's beautiful I'll never deny it especially when I was young I had to sit there and watch mum and dad dance. They are just wonderful just that they stop what they are that just weird or perhaps I missed this kind of moments. alright. life is beautiful. God brought me through this 5 days. 6 more weeks to go. I'll survive.

2006-08-31T16:13:00.000+08:00

I'm on attachment right now. I don't quite like it though I still have to live with it. Because of attachment I pushed away a project that perhaps is once in a lifetime. Based on that I don't study graphic design or design courses. I could very well did it. Oh well. I'm glad i gave it a miss as I'm really tired of work. 9 to 6 p.m of calling just bad. alright. I decided to spend more time with Big Dad. That's God of course. heh. Alrightie. I'll stop here. I'll update soon.

2006-08-27T00:34:00.000+08:00

when I'm sad lonely and feel really horrible. There comes my brushes and pain to my rescue. They save me from the world. Thinking too much. I've sunk into deep deep thoughts again. alright. I'll explain what the pictures means. I'm trying to learn to explain the pictures I paint. For I believe. When I paint. There's a meaning to my pictures. The first one was a blue star. A star big and blue. it meant I'm blue today. Not bright and shiny but a little blue. actually I painted this star because of starSfish. i don't wish to further explain it. If you want to know. I'll tell you. As for the next 2 are a blue flower I painted. It was my first painting tonight.I was really sad and bored and everything. Could not focus. Why force myself to paint something I've never paint before. why torture myself. so I painted it blue. the strokes I used meant I'm really confused by things of this world. with some areas of dark blue meant there's still darkness surrounding me. Which I need the light to break it free. I'm feeling much better after painting. I've opened another blog. It's called the unphotographable blog. it is a blog where I put my pictures. I really like the unphotographable picture. it's really nice. meaningful and all. that's the why I love art. It communicates to me in a very special way. I shall put it this way. All art pieces speak. that's that. bye

2006-08-26T11:39:00.000+08:00

what can i say. another chapter of my life has ended. exams are over. I don't feel really happy or whatsoever. walked down esplanade again in the night. it's really pretty. I love it. perhaps I won't get another chance of having a friend walking down with me. I guess. thank you camen. heh. oh well. at esplanade we saw this guy singing really beautifully, just like some musical or rather he was really singing a musical. can someone just pull me out of this dream.why am I in love with art so much. sometimes I wonder , which nerve in my head is wired wrongly. I want to do art for the rest of my life. oh well. I don't want to give up on the dream of being an graphic artist. I've said it before. It may be hard. too high to reach so jump! still can't grab a ladder or take a helicopter. I'm pursuing it that's what I've set my heart upon doing. But I still I got to find God first. Been really lost and wonder what to do, things done wrongly I guess. the expressions in my heart are simply UNPHOTOGRAPHABLE. bye.

2006-08-24T20:42:00.000+08:00

finally ief paper is over. rejoice. it's been really hard. when I get too stressed and tired. I'll watch videos for goodness sake. whatever. I did it. I'm a pro now. I did it from 10 to say 2 a.m watching TV. how clever can I be. The paper today was IEF. and I still did it. But I wasn't much afraid. at the end of the paper. I was smiling. I don't understand why either. Things are really simple. Don't know means don't know. I guess. I answered all that I can answered. Analysed all that are within me knowing about the world of ECONOMICS. right. I seriously think it is a panicky subject for we do not know what to expect. But I respect my lecturers. One of the most profitable module that you will learn in your life. If you don't want to be in the lecturer's fan club so you better pass! I got it right and clear. The questions they gave about the world was interesting on IMF and the oil crisis was all general knowledge. I guess they are one of the best question where we know whether we are nerds or are we the students who learn and apply our theories. learnt a lot. lecturers you rock. Though I know I lost 30 marks. I don't feel sore at all. The rest of the 70 marks. I really did all that I can. I've no regrets even I fail. I just want to thank God for all that He has given especially friends.

Thank you Nathan and company. really appreciated you and your friends help on that IEF. Now it's over. big smile. thank you all. Really thank you ya. Thank you nathan, kin seng, wilson, liting, aaron, the girl beside aaron. Thanks for your support. Big time. You guys helped me :) I didn't feel discouraged. Well peace that is. From going in till the end. I've learnt not to fear. But something is not quite right with me. I'm suck by an unknown force. Like I can't speak anymore. I dont feel like talking anymore. I have no idea why. I just don't feel like talking to people I know yet I am quite close to. But for school clique. I feel extremely comfortable with them as well as crusade people. I'm drifting apart from this church. My heart has become so cold. I need an answer God. I want to know why I'm feeling this way out of the blue. alright. I'm going to mug one of my favourites that's accounts. I love it! for I've got an extremely nice tutor. He's the best. teach till you understand. erika's favourite. heh. alright. bye. I promise I'll blog again tml. :)

2006-08-21T20:17:00.000+08:00

what am I doing here. I just finished an episode of the last dance. korean drama. beautiful. But yet it makes me think too much again. I wonder if I ever get to finish the things I want to do in this world before leaving. The things I hope to see. That has nothing to do with material gains and all. I guess. God knows what I really want to do. That will be left between me and God. I've not finished studying Operations Management but I'm still blogging. It's been very weird lately. I'm very much afraid I will not see again. I've been trying to open my eyes to look around me the trees,the flowers, the people, the cars,the road and this big city I grew up in. Well, it may be relatively small in geographical size however. For me such a small person thinks this city is huge. I've not been to many parts in this city. There are places that I've not been to. God hid it from me. It was a good thing I guess. I'll know only good things and not bad things. I want to thank God .

I want to Thank God for

- beautiful nature. the places I've been the places I've seen. I love nature. They are places that I God generates the art in me.will be kept in this heart of mine. thank you
- beautiful friends and families around me. people who I brag to, people who I love to disturb and irritate. you people are really great.thank you.
-the arts I've made with my hands through God. I want to thank big DADDY for that. The colours he made are just too beautiful.
- i want to thank God for not letting me worry for everything. Because utmost He is most worried for us.

thank you. all

2006-08-20T20:40:00.000+08:00

today.I could not study. pray pray please. alright. Tried but it just dont' got through. now going to try again so ya. yup. I'm so tired. I got so much more to go in 4 days. I wished my exams are in a few weeks. I'm stressed but photo taking still it. When we are tired we'll take loads of photos. look look. heh. cute isn't it. alright. God have been quiet but not so. He showed me catching butterflies today. haha. catching butterflies with God.. haha. seriously.yup. I'm looking to that day haha. I also had another picture today. I was leaning onto God's shoulder. No need to worry. I didn't quite understand I only know that's really good to have some one to lean on. But as I read the bible when I mug. I realised God is comforting me. in my hurts and all. heh. Isn't that great. He's my comforter. Thank you God. That's very very encouraging. :) alright. I'm set to buying daisy seeds and grow daisies heh. well I like plants so no problem. But sometimes I get too busy that I may forget about them. haha. well I got to learn. I like plants haha. alright really got to go. Bye. I have not complete studying how. pray ok people.

2006-08-20T00:35:00.000+08:00

I love daisies. heh. Pretty isn't it. I want to grow daisies Anyone want to teach me how to grow them?whatever that is. I've been designing these 2 days.I'm sorry to all who ask me to make blogskin. I never get it done. But I guess. You people need to get me a layout from blogskins then I'll do it for you. A lay out you like and wish your blog will be then I'll do the graphics for you. I guess. I've got to mug man. beautiful flowers. God wants me to do many things.But there's still things has yet to be done. I need to seek Him and find out what to do. Beautiful gift you're given but still I need You to tell me what you want me to do with it. I don't wish to rush into designing when I graduate. So I guess I'll keep asking You from now on. I've got a beautiful life from God. Do you? heh. well. I'll do a post nice post. after my exams. take care to all.

2006-08-18T19:03:00.000+08:00

right. as you can guess. instead of mugging today, I can't anymore. I just had to de-sign. but accomplished quite a bit. some of the mugging photos into one.heh.I cant talk much.But yup.Life have been quite sick and tiring, I've been mugging the whole week. thank God for great friends to mug with. Now I guess. I got to go get dinner and start mugging once again. Pray for my paper tml. I'm quite suprised I actually studied already. Now it is just about remembering the points. alright. got to run.see ya around. bye.

2006-08-15T22:34:00.000+08:00

mug mug mug another 8 hours of mugging. I'm not kidding you. Seriously 10 plus till 6 at starbucks. no joke.but great company. my God is awesome. Everytime before studying we will pray. always. heh. productive studies. right. BSF was good. everything is still beautiful. While studying today in a gloomy weather. Inspirations flew like anything. I actually thought of opening a Christian arts cafe. A place that I do ARTS. cool right. I can't imagine me owning the cafe. laughs. perhaps I'll do it in heaven. then I want a corner in the cafe to paint. just for arts. Monthly the walls canvas will change. different art pieces on the wall with lovely christian music played. soft kind and of course setting it like starbucks with tables and chairs. couch and sofa. Out door and indoor it shall be. a place to for designers. awesome. haha. just a random dream of mine. I guess inspired by 2 architects i met at starbucks lol. they were with their laptops designing buildings. I thought was so beautiful and awesome so I thought why not such a cafe that will offer such nice drinks. heh. ok. dreaming too much. a bit far. lol. alrightie.

God shows no favouritism. SAM SAM wake up wake up. All are equal. whatever nations it is so long as you are God's child will do. God knows what you did and did not do. wrongs you done and all. I want to hide but no where to run. SAM SAM needs God to carry her and give her a pat on her back again. God knows I get frightened easily by some things but God wants to tell me He'll strengthen me. God you said you gave me wisdom of words to speak forth. Father grant that wisdom now.

ok. blog some other time. bye

2006-08-14T22:07:00.000+08:00

mug mug mug. few more days to papers. I'm so dead. But I love starbucks at holland v. beautiful place to mug. i love it. love it. i finished marketing already. starting to mug operations management and electronic commerce also must memorise aaa formulas as well as keep revising marketing till the paper ends. heh. mindmaps work wonders for me. love it. thank you sinyi and joyce making studying not so bad after all. I dread studying a lot. But I'm mugging Thank God.starbucks holland v my favourite place to study just to chill what so ever. heh. alrightie. Tml mugging there again.

God is wonderful and awesome.
He was there with us when we study.
We prayed. He came and help us.
Took distractions away to help us to concentrate
Thank you Father in heaven. :)
love You.

-samanthaleo

2006-08-13T21:11:00.000+08:00

thank you God.
Whole of yesterday. I really did not tear or grieve. I don't understand why. Because I've been crying for many many days. once it was past 12. I started crying again. Like magic. I'm back to where I am suppose to be. I started crying. Can't help I do not know why either. Just feel for this world. But no matter how I feel for the world. Tears doesn't come. But once it was 13 Aug. It's another story. That's crazy. I realised. My fear. argh. I fear the evil one. Like a lot. A lot. I guess my encounter with them make me feel even worse. I hate it. I was scared. very scared. I hate it. But for now. I just need to mug and study and live with God. I wished God would bless me with a mac laptop. Because I've set my heart upon designing. I'll not change my mind. Whatever it is. I've got to thank God for everything He gave. Life is so beautiful. I love this life of mine. I've been saying that like so many times. ha. nvm.

I went mugging with my friends. Joyce ho and sin yi. hee. I did 2 chapters. That's really productive ok. 3 to 6 plus 7. Thank you girls. I think if I went home I'll be screwed. Because surely I will be sleeping watching TV. well mugging tml with sinyi too. big smile big big smile. I really got to go. spend time with God and thinking what to mug on. I really have to do it. Or I'll be so dead. God I must pass operations management. send an angel down to teach me what is it all about. God I must pass. Dear God. I trust u.

2006-08-11T21:28:00.000+08:00

reading rachel tears.

I guess. Her journals are like mine. similar. for we put in our deepest things in our closets. The temptations we faced. The hurts that we go through. The prayers we made in the journals are the same.pictures here and there. a verse here and there. but we loved the same God and art. We love to use art to express God. She loves acting but I love designing making graphics. I've felt that I love to write in the journal of mine. these years I've got 5 of them. countless of things mentioned in there. There were periods of time I did not write . It meant I was running away from my Father. The Father in heaven, I felt so hard to faced Him in the past. But these months after the church camp and sonicfest. My life is different. Every sin commited. Confess it. God hears it and knows it. No point running away trying to hide. I guess God you really allowed me to grow in You. For I know too I will not apologise for speaking the name of Jesus and I will stand firm in You and for You. I will never deny You. I will not hide the wonderous light of Jesus to the rest of this world. It is such a bright light. God I love you. I really do. really really do. I guess I'm not even studying. My time and my life is JESUS JESUS JESUS. GOD GOD GOD. My time and my life are spent thinking what is Jesus doing. How heaven is like. When is He coming. For I can't wait for Him to come and take me Home. I really do. I really hope God will wake this world up soon and show them God is true. I'm really going on with life. I got some clothes for my attachment which I like. Bought quite a few pieces. Life is gorgeous. I guess some of my closest friend will be irritated. For everything coming out of me is Jesus and God. For I can't help it. He's my no.1 pirority. It just can't be second or third or so on. He can only be first. For He first created the world. For He first send His Son to die for our sins. He was first in loving us unconditionally and always with us. He is just no.1 in my life. It is just a fact everyone have to accept if you still consider me as a friend. heh. alright. I'm suppose to be studying till now. heh. is nothing :) alright. bye.

2006-08-10T22:01:00.000+08:00

my most treasured possessions

God
bible
my journals.

These 3 things are my most precious things I own and that I treasure most. Without God, I am not on earth. Secondly, God speaks to me with the bible my mom bought. without it is pointless.
my journals are the most important to me. currently I have about 5. I've been writing and commiting a lot of things to God. That no eye has seen what I wrote in there except for me and God. I dont know many miracles of my life. As well as pictures that I dream every spiritual encounter is noted in there. My visions my encounter with things that are not meant for everyone to know is in there. I don't know. I've learnt.

love not the limelight
pride brings sin
humble is the key
to everything

Over these weeks, I've learnt standing in the spotlight is stupid. To have POWER to do things or what so ever. You think you can do a lot of things but actually you can't. If God stops you. You'll be left with nothing. Thinking if one can worship, do this and do that . Like what I did before. It's not about being in the limelight anymore. It's about God in the limelight. For we must shine Jesus through us. To share HIS LOVE to people around us. But not hurt us. Life is beautiful, it is even more beautiful if each of His children shine Jesus through themselves. Live a life of grace. My calling Lord, You knows my heart. I've told you that night father. You knew where and the time I told you. Today, fear gripped me. But I will fear no evil for your rod and your staff they comfort me. I'm reading rachel tears now. addicted to the book. but sudden an urge to blog about my treasured possesions. :)

I

2006-08-10T10:57:00.000+08:00

2 posts i tried posting did not got published. I guess God does not want it up. He doesn't want me to say anything about my calling. I won't say it God. That's a secret between me and you then. I was very scared last night. I was very much afraid. alright I guess I shall reveal it till here. I was afraid. It was quite a big shock for me to take. But I fear no evil. :) God's with me. Who can be against me. yipee.. I went for day of power. The 40 day defining moment thing. I thought it was awesome. sinyi and I had a great time there. we were singing one of my favourite though i wasn't from sunday school.

In this light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine
Let it shine
Let it shine

I thought it was really great. I want to shine for Jesus. Shine Shine Shine. Then everyone in the stadium took up their phones and light up the stadium. we were all like stars. so cool right. heh. then there were loads of prayers. One of the longest longest prayer I made was that day when they prayed for nations as well as for Singapore. Then singaporeans joining hands to pray for people. I was very happy and yup. Breaking of bondages was cool too. We had to shout for a minute but when they shout, tears dropped down my face. Don't ask me why. I can't tell you why either for I don't even know why myself. heh. whatever that is. God is awesome. alright. that's it. I'm off people. I love u all. I've learnt to love people around me. Just Like God first loved us. It may be hard at first but just have to learn. May not be love but perhaps forgiveness comes first then love can come through. alright. I'm crazy these few weeks. bye

2006-08-06T20:32:00.000+08:00

God is awesome. Too big to understand. heh. He finally said something. Well actually, He speaks. That's a secret between me and Him.

God gave me another vision today. the 3 visions link up all nicely together. sheesh. The first one from heaven i was on a bench alone like alone. I hate being alone sometimes and I was looking down when people was playing. They are happy and here i am crying again. Then God came beside the bench and gave me a hug saying. You are not alone. I am with You. obviously I cried and cried. Second one was I was crying at a dark corner. It was black all around me. I was in white robe all the 3 visions. Then God came took my hand and walk me out . Last one came today. He knows. I cannot take it anymore. I could not do it anymore. I was so upset. 2 weeks or 1 week I drifted away from Him. I used to be super on reading the bible. Suddenly I didn't have that passion for a week. I felt terrible. Like what's is this. Things goes wrong and so on. Make me even more upset. God finally gave this. I was lighten up. It was me and God. standing on the ground with a white robe. Like a toddler. God lifted me to his shoulders and walked . I was like God will carry me through. Finally, I spoke to someone that I have to and need to speak to today. sigh. I have all the things she said. Like whatever she said was spot on. I'm very happy at least I'm still ok. Because recently when I turn on the tap meant my tears . It can't off. Even in praise songs. I'll start crying. Horribly. Like grieving but I dont know why. Sometimes I know but I'll grieve and grieve it have started. A.erika saw a weeping girl twice. I guess tears that I have a lot. So yup. I tried arguing with God. God dont make me cry I will look very ugly after crying. God replied. you are pretty . you are my creation. I was like okok. Don't argue. That's enough as long I'm not ugly in His eyes. heh. will do will do. There's much more things i got to do.People see me online right everyday. Do me a favour bug me to go and pray if I have not done so. Please Please Please. I can't pray very long but I got to learn. I will do as He says. I love Him alot. No doubt. I'm uber uber happy girl. though getting canon ixus. The effect of it was not from my dad or family . there came problems of the world. yup. well, i wont share what God has for me. Julian Tan. I am not emo ok? I'm just troubled with things between world and God. Got kind of confuse with world satan God and all. So today. i settle all things. I guess I'm glad things turn this way. to the someone though you may never read my blog. I will still be praying for you. For God said all will be back. As a cell we will claim it from God. For God has revealed. hey all. clouds and skies are blue now. Now all I can do is to pray and wait. wow. I love this. But loads to pray about. God I need You. He protected me so many times. From the valleys of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for you are with me your rod and your staff they comfort me. I'm off. bye ppl. share with u ppl more soon.

2006-08-04T23:35:00.000+08:00

sigh sigh sigh

this place is empty and black. well. I feel like telling my cell. I love you people so much that now I hate the cell now? I dont know. It's contradicting. I love my cell, but circumstances change the way I feel and think. now my face is stressed. One auntie on the bus asked me if I was ok. I must be thinking too hard. that I got stressed up so much that the ear piece I had was redundant. I wasn't even listening at all. All I do was think why have so much happened. why Lord. I am not even deem fit to ask God why. But I guess. I am going to explode soon. soon I'll be climbing out of the windows. I hate this. I hate this. God will see the cell through. Why I cant I just be patient and wait for Him to do His work. well well well. life is getting tougher and tougher. soon, you'll see suffering from asthma attacks soon. As I get so worried. I've never felt that before. What will happen if this very moment God take everyone away. Will your friends and loved ones go where you are going? this is crazy. sigh. will God do miracles again ? God you reminded me not to be stressed. it's really messy now. God I leave it all to You. whatever You do. I will just be quiet. dont ask me anything. i will now choose to keep silent.

2006-08-03T14:57:00.000+08:00

sometimes. I'm so tired to move on. I cant even drag my myself. Dad has agreed to get me the canon ixus. So I'm waiting for my friend to pass me on saturday. But yup. I was happy for 1 minute. I should be very happy for like ever as dad is getting me digicam. something is just wrong. too much depression in me. I'm just upset. nvm. I'm just on the verge of giving up. one step away only. one step back to safe ground . one step to danger. sigh. right. I'm so tired. bye

2006-08-02T17:23:00.000+08:00

God of miracles. God cheered me up yesterday. I really got to thank you my new found friend. If not I guess I am still upset with God. one thing I've learnt.

One may choose not to hear God.
But one cannot pretend He did not exsist.

yup. thanks to my mum somehow it reminded me of wanting the canon ixus 60 camera. I dont know man. God says soon. But.. dont know why today just so different. nvm. my heart desires to have it but yet so far away. anyway. I've started to mug IEF. alright started off with first chapter. like after so long. Alright. haha. anyway. I did something funny. I brag God about the canon ixus 60 like all the time. He was like with me hearing all that I say. seriously very funny. How can he stand me bragging about that. I really whine a lot man. heh. alright. ultraviolet is here. anyway. jasmine bringing the tickets for me. whee. bye.

2006-07-31T19:26:00.000+08:00

I'm back again. something is not right with me.But I have no idea what. But yes, recently. I can cry for no particular reason. Getting upset with stuff that no one will find it sad. I cant describe it man. I've given up on guitar but there's always this song that will let me have a spark to pick up the guitar to play. That's God of Wonders. I think it is one of the most beautiful songs written.

I'm going to switch to MUGGING MODE today onwards if I want to run for IVP. this is not going to be easy to balance training with studies and time with God. sigh. I'm losing passion already. I must LOVE his word.mug mug mug with all the goodies I bought. I just gotta learn to smile. I'm losing it again. something is so not right.

2006-07-31T14:37:00.000+08:00

on the bus thinking. then thoughts flew in not by chance from God. He said. ' I will strengthen and support this cell. Bracing through all difficulties. All will be back.' cool. right. But dang. still upset. heh. that will be very long for all to be back for cell. That's like ages. I should not doubt God though. But that's like very hard. I've become stoney. erika noticed I wasn't quite right today. Kept asking are u ok are u ok? I guess I am not right man. sigh. just felt so like asking WHY WHY WHY. but no one gives an answer like duh. I wont ask God why ? because I've learnt to ask why He do things that way. Because of Jeremiah 29:11. So I'll not ask Him. not to question God.

Whether God give me a divine appointment or what. i met jerald my track president. he looks so tired and sad. I feel very sorry. I am sorry sorry. I meant it. I've giving a lot of reasons to not run. IVP. But God said Yes. And I'm going back. But to me I dont feel Ok. I'm afraid I'll use it as a stupid thing to hide from everyone. Saying I'm busy dont disturb me. And all. Whatever la. But the reason for me to go training is to vent my anger on whatever I've hid in my heart. and let it out during running. Because I do know God is still healing my already broken heart. He is still healing it since church camp. God I'm just argh. Dunno why I'm frustrated with myself.

Well, I'm going back to run. Pray that all go well. Pray that I'll be HAPPIER. which I'm so not. i need to be alone for a while. I guess.

2006-07-30T20:21:00.000+08:00

sigh.
I'm upset again. whatever it is. I know something is crumbling but no matter how people tries. It just cant be done. Only God can do it. I asked so many times God still refuse to tell me... sheesh. I need another retreat on saturday. Botanical Gardens. I just want to sit on that green field and look at the sky. Asking God. I have a sudden emotion swing. From a happy and making noise. Suddenly when this word come to my mind. Everything starts to crumble and fall. I did not want to do anything. All I wanted to do was to hide. well, it's my cell. Don't know why either. I want to hide from it but I do know something. forget it. I will write it on the other blog. whatever it is. I'll start buying candles when I'm upset. one upset one candle. perfect. at least not so painful after buying candles. :) bye.

2006-07-28T22:36:00.000+08:00

boo. sigh. stress level rising already. I'm a lazy pig. hah. no.1 I refuse to do my work. For I dont know what reason. seriously. I'm a slacker la. hee. well I'll mug soon. my week I would say an interesting week. For I do not want to share yet. I'll share it in cell. what a roller coaster ride this week. and seriously flash irritates me. argh. I'll get it done somehow even if I become a panda tonight. whatever it takes.

I actually long to run.
But I've been refraining myself.
God it's hard. If that's what You want.
I'll do just that.

- crossroads.

2006-07-27T19:14:00.000+08:00

why is it so easy to be down
why is this world such a drown
why are people like this
i just dont have the answer

God these tests you are putting me through, only bring tears to myself. To be like job. It's hard. I realised. But I know you are answering my prayer of wanting to be like Job. To rejoice in You. When all things fail. I just got to say YES to you. my attachment sounds like a bad place but it is confirmed it's your will for me. God I'll do as You say. But Lord, I see that as a mission field then a work field. A mission for me to pray for people. God you put me there for a very good reason. But I do not what mission you have for me. Father, I can only pray that things can just go on fine. No matter upset, or when I think of quitting or losing my hope, faith in people. Teach me not to, because this world is coming to an end. God I want to see all the people around me in heaven. I know it may not be the case.Father, it's painful. this week, I only know it was a painful week. God turn it around next week.

I need to learn to breathe with God. (:

2006-07-26T19:52:00.000+08:00

upset
once again.
God is putting me through tests.
sigh.

Well, what I'm upset about is that I hope all starSfish people come for cell. But of course. that's hope. But God, I'll just have to keep praying and God you will do the rest right. God gave me a suprise today. haha. He knows I'm really upset. Again I was grieved but I guess. that's what I'm called to be. I won't say why and all. But thanks to my darlings. joyce, camen and of course dearest Jasmine. heh. they are all involved in my process of painting my nails. My nails are cute and pretty. Black nails with 2 flowers on it. Beautiful. this made my day!! haha. pretty nails. tml there's Life meeting. Big wide smile. heh. my dearest classmates wants me to go get contact lense. hmm. not a bad idea. starting attachment soon. they called me but I got class. They didn't get back to me. I'm sure they will call again soon. :) God loves me and I love Him. Do you love Him?

This story already has a star.
This star is not you and I.
God is the star.

2006-07-25T07:45:00.000+08:00

an amazing night

I struggled. last night I went for gen12ii thanksgiving. Met asriel and joshua. I learnt that evangelism should be a lifestyle. it hit me. It's not easy let it be a lifestyle. Then thinking of how God brought me there just to tell me this. Thank you Lord. I still got home somehow because I had to go to dhoby ghaut. somehow. NEL trouble yea. Heh. Like I am supposed to speak to this guy whom I know I have to. When I was talking to someone on msn i was like. God wants me to speak to him. once after the enter. He was pop up again at msn. Right. I don't know Father. You are testing me. Testing the faith. I thought I could not do it. But we hit off really well. Because he is a christian learning to walk with God. Trying hard. So somehow. We talked. Because I refused. But I guess in Job it says. Testing of faith to come forth as gold or something. Father, this is really testing. I really thought it was weird and awkward. Thank you for making it so fine. thank you God. Teach me what you want me to share with him. God lead me and guide me. Doing His will is so beautiful. How unglam or whatsoever. No need to care anymore. I guess God is teaching me to do this as a start. Next time when I'm suppose to share or talk to anyone. I will have a courage to do it. Thank you LORD. Amazing father. I love You Lord. (:

God turned the grey skies blue

2006-07-23T23:20:00.000+08:00

I'm fortunate.
I grew up in this big city.
On the bus.
Passing by the streets
Drove past the binding lights.
that's the city I grew up in. :)

I need to Thank God. TODAY another HAPPY DAY!. Though I wept and wept. A.erika prayed for me and said she sees a weeping girl. yea. That's like the same as the last time. I am grieved easily. When I see people so poor thing. That this young people do not know God. That's an urge that I'll explode and go forth and do street e. But of course, I've never done that. I thought God was preparing me to take me home but I guess it's a satan's attack. I hate it. Dumb things I did. God said love your enemies. I tried praying for satan that he'll change and ask God to forgive him. Obviously. this is stupid and it don't work so people you no need to waste time and get yourself into trouble . so just keep scolding satan if he put negative thoughts into your mind. Things cleared for me. Spiritual side. I coughed out all that need to be removed.

Then God answered a deep desire of my heart. I met a graphic designer from the states. then I asked Dad to let me go to nafa to do part time course in de-signing. He said Yes. Goodness. Dad thank you. You know why I find it so amazing. Because he thinks i am hopeless in art. that i cant do it. but Dad I want to show you that de-signing is something God gave.

off to orchard shopping had a great time with sharon. then we went to apple outlet. because I insisted. I met someone. sheesh. I don't want to meet him or see him one. I see him too many times. it's no longer coincidences. God teach me what to do with it. sigh. this is no joke. then I want a canon ixus and a macbook if God says Yes. because I reckon that I want to keep my memories.macbook to bring de-sign better. oh. with sharon I did a street painting. rainbowfied. sam.leo loves art. (: alright. sleep is all I need. my life is on the HIGHWAY. (:

tonight. I don't know I should have just walked the streets. like I always do. I like the time I walk past people i feel good and happy. today is crazy day. but ya. I like it (:

2006-07-21T18:49:00.000+08:00

I want to go for a 20 week course at nafa. In the coming January. I want to learn and get a basic graphic design cert. At least I'm sure that certainly is something I definitely I always want to learn. I don't wish to work in the business sector though. I know I'm doing business. I have no idea why I'm there. But I guess. God has His reasons. In the future, I doubt I will work in such environments. I guess most likely I'll be working in the arts/creative sector. Instead of this business world. When I see no colours. stillness. black and white papers. I will faint. I love colours. simplicity. love it when I made something that can be called my own. That's de-sign. Of course, if God isn't with me and if He did not give me this gift, I won't be here. I just went to the library this explains why I'm charged up. When go to the library to borrow books. only one type of books I bring out. That's the the de-signer's manuals. that's what i call them. They are books that when I'm moody, upset and all. My eyes will sparkle when I see them. then a smile will form on a face. Then my heart become really happy. Want to know why. I see many beautiful things and colours. That's it. That will make my day alright. I'm going to read them now. blog another time.